Infertility - A down day

Well it has been 3 years on the infertility road and it continues to sprawl out in front of us with no end in sight.
Most days i find I can stay very positive about the future and firm in the belief that one day I will experience the joy of being a Mom but today is one of the down days. A day when I just feel like putting this all behind me, closing the door and getting on with life as it is rather than how I hope it will be. Living in a constant limbo of "when we have a baby OR when I am pregnant" is a soul sucking energy vampire that is constantly sitting on my shoulder.
At the moment we are going through testing and medication changes to prepare for our first (and hopefully only) round of IVF but today I found out that things still aren't correct with my hormones and I will need another medication change, another 3 weeks of waiting and another blood test to see if my hormone levels are correct enough to even start the IVF process. It is so disheartening and while this isn't really a major set back it was,for me, the straw that broke the camels back. LOTS OF CRYING< AND SCREAMING!!!!!
I cried, and screamed and picked a fight with my husband and just so badly wanted to get off this God aweful roller coaster they call infertility.
If it were only me involved I think I would call it a day and spend my time coming to terms with not having a child but it isn't just me and so for the man I love I am writing this to try and get rid of the bad feelings and be ready to put on my brave face again before he returns home.

It may seem crazy to vent about something so personal in a forum that is so public but it seems to work for me and to be honest I can't talk to friends about this as most of them think I'm crazy for wanting a child anyway.

This truly is the most horrible experience of my life which is saying a lot as there has been some really shitty moments in the past but I shall take a deep breath, shake off the gloom and pray.
On the upside all this heartache has confirmed to me that God is real and is a man as only a man could sacrifice his own son and then inflict all this pain on the rest of his children.
F**k God, f**k fertility and f**k all the people who read this and get pissed off. I'm pissed off too and it is my blog so there!