The sky is a blanket of soft lavender this morning. and reminds me of a thick duvet that is scattering its downy feathers of snow all over the already white ground. The Birch trees are more like gray shadows than trees and my all-black horses stand out in vivid contrast to the landscape.
The snow is so dry here that I can scoop it up in my hands and still see the detail in each individual flake. It wafts around like billowing smoke each time one of the rambunctious dogs bounds into an untouched area of the yard and it dangles like diamonds to the soft hair on the horses muzzles and lips.
A chorus of snow birds take flight from the trees and land in the pasture to pick up the hay chaff left carelessly behind by their equine friends. They blend perfectly into the scene and it is hard to see each individual bird as they seem to move as a collective shimmer in the early morning light.
I have overheard the locals grumbling about the early start to our winter, the cold that is unusual for this time of year and the inconvenience of snow plows, salty roads, and the dreaded shoveling that must take place but all I see is the magical beauty of this winter wonderland.
Perhaps one day I shall become blind to the brilliance that surrounds this place but for now I only see the majestic and mesmerizing brilliance of my surroundings and feel the creative wonder that it sparks in my soul. Today I will continue to dream of snow queens, ice palaces and mythical beasts who rise up from the drifts because for me, December is the time for snow filled winter fantasies and I am blessed to say that I am living the dream.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Simple communication
Sometimes it only takes a moment to cripple a good day or a harsh word to undo a connection or a careless movement to spook a timid animal....
Working with my 2 young horses is teaching me how important it is to be aware of my body language at any given moment. A thoughtless reaction on my part can undo a weeks worth of trust building and unlike friends or family whom I may speak a harsh word to or who I may hurt with a thoughtless comment, a horse will not listen to my feeble apologies or care that I was having a bad day. He or she will just react in that moment and it will be up to me to earn back the trust.
It makes me wonder how it is that we, as humans, have become so careless in our words and our actions. Surely at some point in our evolution, we processed the world as the horse does, through simple communication and body language. If this is true than why is it that we have become so distant and disconnected from our selves that we think nothing of acting out against those we love or raising our voices in an indulgent release of our own frustrations.
We no longer worry about being cast out of a herd due to our behavior because we expect the people in our lives to forgive our outbursts, We have the right to a bad day...BUT... the truth is that NO ONE should have to deal with your bad day. You do not have the right to inflict pain on another and that includes emotional pain. Somehow the evolution of mankind has provided us with a million excuses for our bad behavior rather than a million reasons to persuade us to act in a more respectful and aware manner with one another.
When a horse doesn't like you his feelings are clear, when you loose his trust it will need to be earned back slowly, and when you love someone you had better start thinking of how your careless actions affect your loved ones or you could be the next one cast out of the heard.
Love fully and completely with the other persons feeling always in your mind. Harsh words don't need to be spoken and inconsiderate acts don't need to take place but if & when they do, say your sorry with a full heart with no rationalities or excuses. Be aware of yourself and think about how people in your life are affected by your direct actions. It is the least you can do!
Working with my 2 young horses is teaching me how important it is to be aware of my body language at any given moment. A thoughtless reaction on my part can undo a weeks worth of trust building and unlike friends or family whom I may speak a harsh word to or who I may hurt with a thoughtless comment, a horse will not listen to my feeble apologies or care that I was having a bad day. He or she will just react in that moment and it will be up to me to earn back the trust.
It makes me wonder how it is that we, as humans, have become so careless in our words and our actions. Surely at some point in our evolution, we processed the world as the horse does, through simple communication and body language. If this is true than why is it that we have become so distant and disconnected from our selves that we think nothing of acting out against those we love or raising our voices in an indulgent release of our own frustrations.
We no longer worry about being cast out of a herd due to our behavior because we expect the people in our lives to forgive our outbursts, We have the right to a bad day...BUT... the truth is that NO ONE should have to deal with your bad day. You do not have the right to inflict pain on another and that includes emotional pain. Somehow the evolution of mankind has provided us with a million excuses for our bad behavior rather than a million reasons to persuade us to act in a more respectful and aware manner with one another.
When a horse doesn't like you his feelings are clear, when you loose his trust it will need to be earned back slowly, and when you love someone you had better start thinking of how your careless actions affect your loved ones or you could be the next one cast out of the heard.
Love fully and completely with the other persons feeling always in your mind. Harsh words don't need to be spoken and inconsiderate acts don't need to take place but if & when they do, say your sorry with a full heart with no rationalities or excuses. Be aware of yourself and think about how people in your life are affected by your direct actions. It is the least you can do!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Horses and Hay
Horses have been at the fore front of our country dream and through the guidance of one of our new friends we have been introduced to Canada's national horse breed called the Canadian, the French Canadian or the Little Iron Horse.
These big hearted, robust horses are ingrained in the history of Eastern Canada and came very close to becoming extinct. Luckily the government and horse enthusiasts banded together to bring back the breed and next week we will receive the 2 young Canadian horses that we have bought.
Both of our Canadians are black with big brown soft eyes, long manes, and tails that touch the ground. The little mare, Nimble, is 4 and has had a little training under saddle but needs lots of time and exposure to life outside of her barn and the gelding, Poet, is 3 years old with no training at all.
I wasn't sure at first that I had the inclination to train 2 young horses but the moment I saw their fluid movement, natural extension, and kind eyes I was hooked.
In preparation for their arrival Eric and I have spent days reinforcing our pasture fence posts, re-stringing the wire fence and figuring out the proper way to set up the ground for our electric fencing. We also had to dig a 35 foot trench in stone filled ground, knock through a bigger opening in the paddock shelter and take down 2 walls in the barn. It has been a busy week that rewarded us with aching muscles and big smiles as we now impatiently await our newcomers.
In addition to getting the barn and pasture ready for the horses....a job that will never be finished as now we are starting to replace the lighting....we knew we would have to get some hay to take us through our first winter. I placed 1 call to a horse lady down the road and within a few hours I was getting calls back from all over our area from people advising us who to and who not to buy hay from....the joy of a close knit community!
After many discussions and one visit from a local horse guru we settled on buying from Mr. Leahman Smith, a nice old fella who has a big hay operation and whose grin can put people instantly at ease.
Leahman stopped by one afternoon to show off his wares and we agreed a price for 450 bales with him saying he'd give me a call when he was coming by to drop off the hay. This was perfect as Eric is allergic to hay so it would give me time to drum up a few helping hands.
That evening I planned a romantic dinner, slipped into a nice dress and waited for Eric to get home from work. He was thrilled at my surprise but just as we were settling in for our cozy evening at home we heard a rumble out on the road....
Next thing we see is a huge truck and trailer stacked with hay pulling into the yard. The candles were blown out, the dress traded for jeans and off I set to help old Leahman and his young farm hand unload hay.
It wasn't long before we had made it through the first section of hay (Leahman carrying 2 bales to my 1) and then needed to reposition the truck so we could get to the rest. I shouted a warning about watching for the small ditch at the side of the drive but the young farm hand was getting impatient and directed the truck straight into it by accident. So there we were and by the light of the full moon we all struggled and strained to find a way to get the truck out. Wood was carried over, jacks were brought out, but no matter what we did the truck stayed stuck...hummm I hear a country song coming on.
Covered in hay, mud and sweat, Eric and the farmers pilled into our Infinity Q4 SUV....a vehicle soon to be traded for a practical farm truck... and set off back to town so they could get a tractor to pull out the trailer in the morning. Pulling in the drive at well after 9pm, Eric and I just scoffed a quick dinner before slipping into bed exhausted. It wasn't exactly the romantic evening I had planned but we both laughed at the antics of our first hay experience, enjoyed the warmth of each others arms, and slipped quietly off to sleep wondering what on earth tomorrow would bring.
These big hearted, robust horses are ingrained in the history of Eastern Canada and came very close to becoming extinct. Luckily the government and horse enthusiasts banded together to bring back the breed and next week we will receive the 2 young Canadian horses that we have bought.
Both of our Canadians are black with big brown soft eyes, long manes, and tails that touch the ground. The little mare, Nimble, is 4 and has had a little training under saddle but needs lots of time and exposure to life outside of her barn and the gelding, Poet, is 3 years old with no training at all.
I wasn't sure at first that I had the inclination to train 2 young horses but the moment I saw their fluid movement, natural extension, and kind eyes I was hooked.
In preparation for their arrival Eric and I have spent days reinforcing our pasture fence posts, re-stringing the wire fence and figuring out the proper way to set up the ground for our electric fencing. We also had to dig a 35 foot trench in stone filled ground, knock through a bigger opening in the paddock shelter and take down 2 walls in the barn. It has been a busy week that rewarded us with aching muscles and big smiles as we now impatiently await our newcomers.
In addition to getting the barn and pasture ready for the horses....a job that will never be finished as now we are starting to replace the lighting....we knew we would have to get some hay to take us through our first winter. I placed 1 call to a horse lady down the road and within a few hours I was getting calls back from all over our area from people advising us who to and who not to buy hay from....the joy of a close knit community!
After many discussions and one visit from a local horse guru we settled on buying from Mr. Leahman Smith, a nice old fella who has a big hay operation and whose grin can put people instantly at ease.
Leahman stopped by one afternoon to show off his wares and we agreed a price for 450 bales with him saying he'd give me a call when he was coming by to drop off the hay. This was perfect as Eric is allergic to hay so it would give me time to drum up a few helping hands.
That evening I planned a romantic dinner, slipped into a nice dress and waited for Eric to get home from work. He was thrilled at my surprise but just as we were settling in for our cozy evening at home we heard a rumble out on the road....
Next thing we see is a huge truck and trailer stacked with hay pulling into the yard. The candles were blown out, the dress traded for jeans and off I set to help old Leahman and his young farm hand unload hay.
It wasn't long before we had made it through the first section of hay (Leahman carrying 2 bales to my 1) and then needed to reposition the truck so we could get to the rest. I shouted a warning about watching for the small ditch at the side of the drive but the young farm hand was getting impatient and directed the truck straight into it by accident. So there we were and by the light of the full moon we all struggled and strained to find a way to get the truck out. Wood was carried over, jacks were brought out, but no matter what we did the truck stayed stuck...hummm I hear a country song coming on.
Covered in hay, mud and sweat, Eric and the farmers pilled into our Infinity Q4 SUV....a vehicle soon to be traded for a practical farm truck... and set off back to town so they could get a tractor to pull out the trailer in the morning. Pulling in the drive at well after 9pm, Eric and I just scoffed a quick dinner before slipping into bed exhausted. It wasn't exactly the romantic evening I had planned but we both laughed at the antics of our first hay experience, enjoyed the warmth of each others arms, and slipped quietly off to sleep wondering what on earth tomorrow would bring.
Home :An Amazing Place To Be
Upon announcing that we were moving to New Brunswick, Eric and I were first met with a puzzled look and the question; Why?
This was then followed by a smile and the statement; The people are so nice there!
We've been in NB for about 3 months now and I can certainly attest that the people really are very nice and also a little different in comparison to out west.
Life moves a lot more slowly here and people will go out of their way for you if you show even the slightest interest in being a good neighbor. The flip side to this is that grudges are held for a very long time, maybe even generations and with the meeting of each new person we hear a new story about one of the other neighbors.
The first to come and say hello were friends of our farms former owners. They are a lovely couple who are about to be married and live just over the hill from us. Life tends to revolve around their kids, hunting, quadding, and Tim Horton's though I wouldn't say it is necessarily in that order.
Next was a truck filled with 2 couples who showed up to make the introductions. Here we met our closest neighbors (who proudly lived on their land for 10+ years with no power while raising there 5 children and home schooling them) and their best friends Gail and her husband Junior ( he has another name but no one here knows him as anything but Junior so od knows what it is!). From this happy four-some we learned all about the pit falls of our dirt road, the pain of the snow plow and that our apples were to be picked right away so as not to entice the bears closer to the house.....Picking didn't do the job though as bears have been spotted a few times on our road and one has had to be shot for bothering someones horses.
We also met Roland who had been described to us as ' Special', Different', and a few more colorful names. Roland turns his hand to anything from making maple syrup to refurbishing old wood pallets and the remnants of his escapades litter his front yard. His public belief that he has the right to cut down a tree or hunt an animal should he need it, despite the time or the place has resulted in more than a few enemies around here,but we accepted his gift of home made maple syrup and his friendly smile and decided to take a neutral stance on the local politics.
With each new person, comes a new story and the chance to see an integral thread to the beautiful tapestry we are weaving ourselves into. No matter if it is the wonderful horse-obsessed woman at the Co-Op, the Eco warrior manning the environmental booth at the farmers market, or the amazing Danielle who has introduced his passion of saving the Canadian horse with us. All have made us feel like we are home and home is an amazing place to be!
This was then followed by a smile and the statement; The people are so nice there!
We've been in NB for about 3 months now and I can certainly attest that the people really are very nice and also a little different in comparison to out west.
Life moves a lot more slowly here and people will go out of their way for you if you show even the slightest interest in being a good neighbor. The flip side to this is that grudges are held for a very long time, maybe even generations and with the meeting of each new person we hear a new story about one of the other neighbors.
The first to come and say hello were friends of our farms former owners. They are a lovely couple who are about to be married and live just over the hill from us. Life tends to revolve around their kids, hunting, quadding, and Tim Horton's though I wouldn't say it is necessarily in that order.
Next was a truck filled with 2 couples who showed up to make the introductions. Here we met our closest neighbors (who proudly lived on their land for 10+ years with no power while raising there 5 children and home schooling them) and their best friends Gail and her husband Junior ( he has another name but no one here knows him as anything but Junior so od knows what it is!). From this happy four-some we learned all about the pit falls of our dirt road, the pain of the snow plow and that our apples were to be picked right away so as not to entice the bears closer to the house.....Picking didn't do the job though as bears have been spotted a few times on our road and one has had to be shot for bothering someones horses.
We also met Roland who had been described to us as ' Special', Different', and a few more colorful names. Roland turns his hand to anything from making maple syrup to refurbishing old wood pallets and the remnants of his escapades litter his front yard. His public belief that he has the right to cut down a tree or hunt an animal should he need it, despite the time or the place has resulted in more than a few enemies around here,but we accepted his gift of home made maple syrup and his friendly smile and decided to take a neutral stance on the local politics.
With each new person, comes a new story and the chance to see an integral thread to the beautiful tapestry we are weaving ourselves into. No matter if it is the wonderful horse-obsessed woman at the Co-Op, the Eco warrior manning the environmental booth at the farmers market, or the amazing Danielle who has introduced his passion of saving the Canadian horse with us. All have made us feel like we are home and home is an amazing place to be!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
An Unexpected Joy
Today is the perfect Autumn day.
The air is cool and crisp, the sun is high and bright in the periwinkle sky, and the fall leaves are rusty orange and sunset yellow.
Today I step out into the Autumn glory with my white plastic washing basket. It is filled with damp clothes and I begin to hang them on the line to dry.
The washing line is perfectly hung between a group of large birch trees with stripy silvery bark and the edge of my covered porch allowing me to rescue my clean laundry from an unexpected rain shower without ever having to get wet.
It is stunning to me that I can find such complete joy from something so simple as the perfectly placed washing line. Even more stunning is the bliss I feel to be doing laundry on this sunny fall day.
I pick up a large cream sheet and inhale the scent of my freshly washed bedding. Knowing how it will feel slightly coarse on my skin tonight when I first slip into bed but that it will give way to a smoothness as my body warms it and that I will be soothed by its airy aroma.
The moist material feels cool against my skin and I pause for a moment, deciding how to maneuver the large piece of cloth so as not to let it touch the ground. Once wrangled onto the line, I snap a few simple wooden pegs in place to secure my sheet and use the pully to dangle it out over the garden.
The dogs are playing and running across the large expansive lawn, darting between the trees and running down the trail that leads from our garden into the woods. I see them turn and race each other back towards my place on the deck, jumping and knocking at one another to try and get an advantage and win their race. As if my laundry were the finish line they barrel towards it, panting and bright eyed. I see them take note of the flapping fabric that snaps in the air like sails at sea and I wonder for a moment if they will jump at it and pull it down onto the rather-to-long grass. But no, the laundry is saved by both a gusty breeze that pushes my sails into the sky and by the chattering red squirrel that has become the immediate focus of the two curious dogs. They rush forward with new vigor and bark at the bottom of the tree that is protecting the squirrel who teases the dogs by jumping from branch to branch and chattering incessantly at them.
I hear a voice in my head chanting 'You can't catch me, tweedle deedle dee.'
I laugh at the scene of squirrel versus dog and then take a final look at this piece of heaven before me and my basket head inside to continue our day.
A five minute task, a chore most would say but for me it is such an unexpected joy, a welcomed yet unexpected joy.
The air is cool and crisp, the sun is high and bright in the periwinkle sky, and the fall leaves are rusty orange and sunset yellow.
Today I step out into the Autumn glory with my white plastic washing basket. It is filled with damp clothes and I begin to hang them on the line to dry.
The washing line is perfectly hung between a group of large birch trees with stripy silvery bark and the edge of my covered porch allowing me to rescue my clean laundry from an unexpected rain shower without ever having to get wet.
It is stunning to me that I can find such complete joy from something so simple as the perfectly placed washing line. Even more stunning is the bliss I feel to be doing laundry on this sunny fall day.
I pick up a large cream sheet and inhale the scent of my freshly washed bedding. Knowing how it will feel slightly coarse on my skin tonight when I first slip into bed but that it will give way to a smoothness as my body warms it and that I will be soothed by its airy aroma.
The moist material feels cool against my skin and I pause for a moment, deciding how to maneuver the large piece of cloth so as not to let it touch the ground. Once wrangled onto the line, I snap a few simple wooden pegs in place to secure my sheet and use the pully to dangle it out over the garden.
The dogs are playing and running across the large expansive lawn, darting between the trees and running down the trail that leads from our garden into the woods. I see them turn and race each other back towards my place on the deck, jumping and knocking at one another to try and get an advantage and win their race. As if my laundry were the finish line they barrel towards it, panting and bright eyed. I see them take note of the flapping fabric that snaps in the air like sails at sea and I wonder for a moment if they will jump at it and pull it down onto the rather-to-long grass. But no, the laundry is saved by both a gusty breeze that pushes my sails into the sky and by the chattering red squirrel that has become the immediate focus of the two curious dogs. They rush forward with new vigor and bark at the bottom of the tree that is protecting the squirrel who teases the dogs by jumping from branch to branch and chattering incessantly at them.
I hear a voice in my head chanting 'You can't catch me, tweedle deedle dee.'
I laugh at the scene of squirrel versus dog and then take a final look at this piece of heaven before me and my basket head inside to continue our day.
A five minute task, a chore most would say but for me it is such an unexpected joy, a welcomed yet unexpected joy.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
We packed up our things and landed in heaven
It has been a long time since I placed my fingers on the keyboard and felt the perfect amount of resistance to the pressure I apply. It is a eagerness and a thrill to see what will come when I close my eyes and simply let my fingers dance where they may...and then go back and fix all the typos.
It has been a while since I last wrote here and so much has happened since then.
I suppose I should start with the fact that I am now writing from the other side of Canada. The move to NB was stressful, busy, confusing, emotional and it was everything we had hoped for and more.
The drive across Canada alone is worthy of a novel. Never could I of imagined how large Canada is had I not had the opportunity to spend a week driving from the West coast to the East coast. Each day brought on a new province and a new adventure. Oceans, mountains, rolling hills, big skies, dancing fields of gold, every version of green that nature can create, and the sun setting on oceans posing as lakes. It was such an amazing gift to get to see a small sample of what Canada has to offer.
after a weeks vacation in Quebec it was off for our last days drive to our new home town.
Now that I am some what settled in this amazing piece of heaven I will write more and more about the quirky neighbors, the stunning sun sets and the sassy squirrels but for now I wish you all a good night and provide the promise that I am back and filled with stories and insights to share.
Love and light....
It has been a while since I last wrote here and so much has happened since then.
I suppose I should start with the fact that I am now writing from the other side of Canada. The move to NB was stressful, busy, confusing, emotional and it was everything we had hoped for and more.
The drive across Canada alone is worthy of a novel. Never could I of imagined how large Canada is had I not had the opportunity to spend a week driving from the West coast to the East coast. Each day brought on a new province and a new adventure. Oceans, mountains, rolling hills, big skies, dancing fields of gold, every version of green that nature can create, and the sun setting on oceans posing as lakes. It was such an amazing gift to get to see a small sample of what Canada has to offer.
after a weeks vacation in Quebec it was off for our last days drive to our new home town.
Now that I am some what settled in this amazing piece of heaven I will write more and more about the quirky neighbors, the stunning sun sets and the sassy squirrels but for now I wish you all a good night and provide the promise that I am back and filled with stories and insights to share.
Love and light....
Monday, July 23, 2007
We Will be Moving to NB
Hi all,
As most of you know, Eric has been talking to some companies and looking for a new job that would be a better fit for both his career goals and our goals as a family. Today I am happy to say that he has signed a contract with a company in New Brunswick.
Last week Eric and I will be flew out to meet the people Eric will be working with and to get a sense of the area and we fell totally in love with the area and the people. As soon as our house sells we will be making the move out east.
I can honestly say the people are as nice as everyone says and BC has a run for its money when it comes to a beautiful province. Ocean, vivid green, big skies, rolling hills, tons of rivers and lakes for fishing, miles and miles of trails for horse riding in summer and sledding in winter, fresh lobster, and cheep property and taxes....who could ask for more!!!!!
We are both very excited about this new adventure and can't wait to make Eastern Canada our home.
Love and Light
As most of you know, Eric has been talking to some companies and looking for a new job that would be a better fit for both his career goals and our goals as a family. Today I am happy to say that he has signed a contract with a company in New Brunswick.
Last week Eric and I will be flew out to meet the people Eric will be working with and to get a sense of the area and we fell totally in love with the area and the people. As soon as our house sells we will be making the move out east.
I can honestly say the people are as nice as everyone says and BC has a run for its money when it comes to a beautiful province. Ocean, vivid green, big skies, rolling hills, tons of rivers and lakes for fishing, miles and miles of trails for horse riding in summer and sledding in winter, fresh lobster, and cheep property and taxes....who could ask for more!!!!!
We are both very excited about this new adventure and can't wait to make Eastern Canada our home.
Love and Light
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Summer Time For an English Rose
Remember back in late January when you thought winter would never end. Or in early march when the sun was starting to shine a little but it was all a trick because you would go out side only to realize it was still really cold. It was back during those days that many of us dreamed of summer. We let our minds wonder to the heavy scents of blooming flowers, the sounds of the ocean at the beach and the joy of feeling the warm sun on your bare skin.
Well here we are and the reality is that at 7:30am this morning it was already 26 degrees out and that by noon we'll be in the thirties. Yesterday afternoon it was 31 degrees in my house and my brain has gone on strike due to heat exhaustion.
Summer for a pale English rose such as I means wearing a hat all the time, being slathered from head to toe in 45+ sun block and still dealing with getting burnt in the 3.8 seconds that I risk going outside between the hours of 8am and 8pm.
Is it too much to ask to have the basic requirements in life? I mean really what is a little central air and a swimming pool between friends :-)
Yes winter seems a long time ago. A long time since I dreamed of the sultry sumer nights that in reality are too freaking hot to get anything more than sticky and sweaty. A long time since I dreamed of looking into the star filled summer night (without being harassed by 50,000 mosquitoes). And a long time since I dreamed of the heavy scent of the summer bloom which in reality is burnt and dry and barely hanging on to its petals.
Oh well! Life is not so bad.......only 166 days to Christmas.
Well here we are and the reality is that at 7:30am this morning it was already 26 degrees out and that by noon we'll be in the thirties. Yesterday afternoon it was 31 degrees in my house and my brain has gone on strike due to heat exhaustion.
Summer for a pale English rose such as I means wearing a hat all the time, being slathered from head to toe in 45+ sun block and still dealing with getting burnt in the 3.8 seconds that I risk going outside between the hours of 8am and 8pm.
Is it too much to ask to have the basic requirements in life? I mean really what is a little central air and a swimming pool between friends :-)
Yes winter seems a long time ago. A long time since I dreamed of the sultry sumer nights that in reality are too freaking hot to get anything more than sticky and sweaty. A long time since I dreamed of looking into the star filled summer night (without being harassed by 50,000 mosquitoes). And a long time since I dreamed of the heavy scent of the summer bloom which in reality is burnt and dry and barely hanging on to its petals.
Oh well! Life is not so bad.......only 166 days to Christmas.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Out of the Distractions & into the Silence
For any one that has read and practiced The Artists Way you will remember the exercise in voiding your self of all distractions (TV, Books, Radio). The thought is that by irradiating the outside distraction you can more clearly see yourself and find your creativity.
I read the start of the book a few years ago (thanks to a kind friend that gave me a copy) and when I got to this part, the part where I give up my distractions, I closed the book, put it on my shelf and didn't go back to it again....until now.
The thought of giving up my regular TV shows seemed harder than giving up air.
What would I do to relax? What would I spend time doing in the evenings?
It just seemed pointless!
BUT...
Here I am years later and I find I am now in the position of having given up the TV (now on my fifth day).
Eric had given up TV a couple of years ago and found that while he missed it at first it forced him to look for other, more creative and productive ways to spend his time. This ended as we got cable when I moved in and he slipped back into watching the box in the evenings with me. We have been talking about getting rid of it for some time but I kept delaying it. Finally a few days ago I made the call to have them put our service on hold (just in case I wanted it back) and now I am living in the silence.
The first 2 days were fine as we were busy (plus we rented movies) but after the third and now fourth day I found myself in a complete funk and missing the constant noise of my TV Mistress.
As I work and create from home I can go days only having contact with Eric and the odd call to a friend so the noise of the TV in the back ground while I painted would provide me with a sense of connection with the outside world. With that gone, I found myself yesterday sinking into a depression and feelings of loneliness even feelings of abandonment from my friend the TV.
I am happy to say that this morning I have been able to take a little bit of a step back and find my center again, leaving yesterdays absurdities in the past. While I am sure that my longing for the company of the box will resume periodically, I now feel it is at least worth giving this addiction of mine a well earned break.
The time is currently 9:50 am and in the past all I would of done by this time is get Eric off to work, check email and watch the news (on TV) but this morning I have had coffee with Eric and sent him off to work, checked the news on line, checked email, read a chapter of the book my Granddad wrote many years ago, fiddled in my garden a little, played with the dogs and written in here. I must admit that I feel quite accomplished. How on earth did I waste so much time???
While I am not yet ready to give up all distractions, like books and radio, to further deepen my creative essence and follow the Artists Way, I do feel I am walking a necessary path of becoming comfortable with the silence of the outside world and growing accustomed to only hearing my own breath and thoughts.
It leads me to wonder if my creations will change in any way????
Perhaps it was best said by Confucius "Silence is the true friend that never betrays."
Please wish me luck with this experiment of mine...& Eric as he has to put up with me :-)
Blessed be, Love and light
Sunday, June 24, 2007
The Lightest Light Attracts the Darkest Dark
I just started reading the very popular book "The Expected One" and one of the first lines in the book refers to the saying "The Lightest Light Attracts the Darkest Dark". It is a saying I have heard often in the Spiritual community and is often used by my very wise and wonderful Dad but one that I hadn't thought about much for quite some time.
Today the phrase keeps repeating in my conscience and playing at the edge of my thoughts.
"The Lightest Light Attracts the Darkest Dark"
Have you noticed that the closer you are to your most true and centered self the more challenges you face and the more your faith in humanity, your self or your beliefs is tested?
I have and I find it almost comical at times when I can step outside of myself and feel so in touch due to some revelation or the overcoming of some obstacle only to find that I am so busy feeling proud of myself that I haven't noticed I am still running full tilt at the next hurdle with no time left to leap.
Within this simple saying I find great comfort. It is when I shine my brightest that I am often faced with the trickiest of situations or the most challenging of personalities but it also when I am at my strongest and my most receptive.
I think their is a lot of truth to the saying "The Lightest Light Attracts the Darkest Dark" but I also feel it is important to understand that the dark is often the misunderstood, the feared and the wounded. At our brightest moments we are given the strength to reach out to those in their darkest moments and share Loves light. Our gift is not only our own but a responsibility to reach out.
Shine bright dear hearts!
Blessed Be, Love and Light
Today the phrase keeps repeating in my conscience and playing at the edge of my thoughts.
"The Lightest Light Attracts the Darkest Dark"
Have you noticed that the closer you are to your most true and centered self the more challenges you face and the more your faith in humanity, your self or your beliefs is tested?
I have and I find it almost comical at times when I can step outside of myself and feel so in touch due to some revelation or the overcoming of some obstacle only to find that I am so busy feeling proud of myself that I haven't noticed I am still running full tilt at the next hurdle with no time left to leap.
Within this simple saying I find great comfort. It is when I shine my brightest that I am often faced with the trickiest of situations or the most challenging of personalities but it also when I am at my strongest and my most receptive.
I think their is a lot of truth to the saying "The Lightest Light Attracts the Darkest Dark" but I also feel it is important to understand that the dark is often the misunderstood, the feared and the wounded. At our brightest moments we are given the strength to reach out to those in their darkest moments and share Loves light. Our gift is not only our own but a responsibility to reach out.
Shine bright dear hearts!
Blessed Be, Love and Light
Friday, June 22, 2007
My Friend, My Partner, My Rock
Over the last couple of days I have had some interesting insights into my soul but none of these clarifications of self could of been so clear had I not been able to share them with my husband. The honest and open communication that we share is so refreshing and is without judgment. In the moments that I share my inner most feelings and thoughts with him I experience a freedom that I normally only feel when galloping a horse at full tilt.
It is the same power,connection, and trust.
Somehow everything becomes clearer when I share with him without reserve. All the words in my mind start to form cohesive sentences and memories shrouded in years of dust burst into the light and are seen for what they really are.
The best part of an experience like this is lying in his arms afterwards. Feeling our breathing synchronize and my emotional exhaustion subside. He is as comforting as slipping into the moon lit lake on a hot summers night and for this I am eternally grateful.
Thank you my love, for being my friend, my partner, my rock.
Love
It is the same power,connection, and trust.
Somehow everything becomes clearer when I share with him without reserve. All the words in my mind start to form cohesive sentences and memories shrouded in years of dust burst into the light and are seen for what they really are.
The best part of an experience like this is lying in his arms afterwards. Feeling our breathing synchronize and my emotional exhaustion subside. He is as comforting as slipping into the moon lit lake on a hot summers night and for this I am eternally grateful.
Thank you my love, for being my friend, my partner, my rock.
Love
Saturday, June 16, 2007
See Me Online
I have a very basic website started where you can view a few examples of my art and listen to some of my songs. Please click here to come on by and check it out.
Feedback is always welcomed.
Happy weekend!
Feedback is always welcomed.
Happy weekend!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
My Last 3 Creations
These were inspired by hena designs I made for friends during a trip to the Kootenays.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Women
"Often we judge societies on how they treat their children but what we should do is base it on how they treat their women, as they are the care givers of the societies future."
Eric Frazier (My husband)
I will warn that there may be a lot of speaking from my soap box in this post. My tidal wave of emotion has been building for a few days or maybe for a few years but I feel calm enough this morning to put into words some of the thoughts and emotions that have plagued me.
A few days ago I watched a documentary called "Sex Slaves" about poverty stricken Eastern European women being kidnapped and trafficked across Europe and North America as sex slaves. The women had no choice in these situations. They often went to other countries after being promised legitimate jobs in hotels or restaurants only to find out that they had been sold to a pimp and that their life was now not their own to control.
The women were raped, beaten, mortally threatened, and treated with the same care and contempt as a cow at a slaughter house. These poor unsuspecting women were forced into servicing up to 15 men per day and living in constant fear for their lives.
I wondered why they wouldn't run or fight for their lives and then I found out that they were never once left alone, but were shuttled from a barred hotel room to the room of the next John and then back to their hotel room jail. Many had children back home and large families who the pimps would threaten to kill if the girls tried to escape or didn't comply. The lucky ones would be sent home when they were too old or used to earn their captors more money. They returned home beaten, broken, and in many cases dying of HIV or other untreated sexually transmitted diseases.
By the end I found my self crying and disgusted with human kind. Worst of all was knowing that one of the largest traffickers of these women was also a woman.
A couple of months ago I read the biography of Ayann Hirsi Ali, a Somali woman now living in the USA. She denounced her Muslim religion and has been estranged from her family since escaping to the Netherlands on her way to her arranged marriage to a man living in Canada. She spoke of the treatment of women in her culture and of the female circumcision that she and her sister endured as children. How her clitoris and vaginal lips were sliced from her body and how she was sewn closed with only a small hole left in her genitalia so that urine could drip through the opening.
After this she was considered "clean" and "pure" as if she had been born with some sort of demonic presence living in her vagina.
By the end I found my self crying and disgusted with human kind. Worst of all was knowing that it is often the older generations of women that carry on these barbaric rituals and beliefs.
Two years ago I saw the movie "Water" that is the story of a young Indian girl,who, at the age of seven, ends up in a house of widows because the husband she had been married to had died, he was old and sick. Widows in India live in poverty begging on the streets and being looked at as cursed due to the death of their husbands. They are now garbage unworthy of being re-married and often ended up having to sell their bodies to earn enough money to save themselves from starving to death.
By the end I found my self crying and disgusted with human kind. Worst of all was knowing that other women are often so fearful of being cursed by the same widows fate that they turn a blind eye and shun these women rather than reaching out to them with food and kindness.
These are only three stories out of thousands that tell of the hardships that women face around the world and how in many cases it is other women that are participating in the neglect, abuse and demoralization of their sisters.
Many of us are horrified the moment we hear of such a thing but then forget about it as we think of it as happening in far away countries not here in our middle class suburban paradise.
You are wrong. Atrocities towards women take place in all cultures and even the little things we do can impact the women in our lives.
You need to ask yourself how you betray your sisters on a daily basis:
How many times have you talked shit about a friend behind her back to gain favor with someone else or slept with another womans husband, thinking how stupid that woman must be not to be able to keep her man at home?
How many times have you stepped on a woman in your career so that you may get ahead and felt proud that you can make it in this "mans world"?
How many times have you looked down your nose at the woman in the shelter trying to house her child while working all hours God gave her and still not making ends meet?
How many times have you felt sickened by the sight of a whore on the street or the junkie in the alley....only wishing someone would "clean up" the area so that you didn't have to see it while drinking your latte and driving in your car.
We've all done it at times. We have played the part of the catty, back-stabbing woman, the self righteous bitch who thinks she is better than the woman next to her, and the girl who is left feeling lonely and ashamed that she isn't as good as her "friend", her neighbor, her coworker.
Somehow as women we have fallen into the trap of blaming other women for our misfortune or our circumstance and then passed on the torture to another women somehow cleansing our selves of our own experience. WE (women) have perpetuated the myths about women not being as capable as men and WE (women) have supported the media in their campaign that women are never thin enough, young enough, or beautiful enough. It has to stop. Women have to unite together and support one another in our own countries so that we may stand united to combat the atrocities being inflicted on the women in other parts of the world.
What kind of lesson are we teaching our daughters when they witness our indifference to the plight of women around the world? And what do we teach them by pining over air brushed photos in magazines? What do you think your daughter will learn by hearing you gossip about another woman you saw at the park? Or what she will take to heart when given a doll that looks like a 6 year old hooker with a belly shirt and sparkling eye make up?
We have a responsibility to our sisters, our mothers , our daughters, and our friends. It is time that women come together to change the way that women are treated in our country and all over the world. You can start by changing the little things you do and by finding a way to educate your self to the circumstances of women everywhere.
The time is now!
The abuse must stop!
Eric Frazier (My husband)
I will warn that there may be a lot of speaking from my soap box in this post. My tidal wave of emotion has been building for a few days or maybe for a few years but I feel calm enough this morning to put into words some of the thoughts and emotions that have plagued me.
A few days ago I watched a documentary called "Sex Slaves" about poverty stricken Eastern European women being kidnapped and trafficked across Europe and North America as sex slaves. The women had no choice in these situations. They often went to other countries after being promised legitimate jobs in hotels or restaurants only to find out that they had been sold to a pimp and that their life was now not their own to control.
The women were raped, beaten, mortally threatened, and treated with the same care and contempt as a cow at a slaughter house. These poor unsuspecting women were forced into servicing up to 15 men per day and living in constant fear for their lives.
I wondered why they wouldn't run or fight for their lives and then I found out that they were never once left alone, but were shuttled from a barred hotel room to the room of the next John and then back to their hotel room jail. Many had children back home and large families who the pimps would threaten to kill if the girls tried to escape or didn't comply. The lucky ones would be sent home when they were too old or used to earn their captors more money. They returned home beaten, broken, and in many cases dying of HIV or other untreated sexually transmitted diseases.
By the end I found my self crying and disgusted with human kind. Worst of all was knowing that one of the largest traffickers of these women was also a woman.
A couple of months ago I read the biography of Ayann Hirsi Ali, a Somali woman now living in the USA. She denounced her Muslim religion and has been estranged from her family since escaping to the Netherlands on her way to her arranged marriage to a man living in Canada. She spoke of the treatment of women in her culture and of the female circumcision that she and her sister endured as children. How her clitoris and vaginal lips were sliced from her body and how she was sewn closed with only a small hole left in her genitalia so that urine could drip through the opening.
After this she was considered "clean" and "pure" as if she had been born with some sort of demonic presence living in her vagina.
By the end I found my self crying and disgusted with human kind. Worst of all was knowing that it is often the older generations of women that carry on these barbaric rituals and beliefs.
Two years ago I saw the movie "Water" that is the story of a young Indian girl,who, at the age of seven, ends up in a house of widows because the husband she had been married to had died, he was old and sick. Widows in India live in poverty begging on the streets and being looked at as cursed due to the death of their husbands. They are now garbage unworthy of being re-married and often ended up having to sell their bodies to earn enough money to save themselves from starving to death.
By the end I found my self crying and disgusted with human kind. Worst of all was knowing that other women are often so fearful of being cursed by the same widows fate that they turn a blind eye and shun these women rather than reaching out to them with food and kindness.
These are only three stories out of thousands that tell of the hardships that women face around the world and how in many cases it is other women that are participating in the neglect, abuse and demoralization of their sisters.
Many of us are horrified the moment we hear of such a thing but then forget about it as we think of it as happening in far away countries not here in our middle class suburban paradise.
You are wrong. Atrocities towards women take place in all cultures and even the little things we do can impact the women in our lives.
You need to ask yourself how you betray your sisters on a daily basis:
How many times have you talked shit about a friend behind her back to gain favor with someone else or slept with another womans husband, thinking how stupid that woman must be not to be able to keep her man at home?
How many times have you stepped on a woman in your career so that you may get ahead and felt proud that you can make it in this "mans world"?
How many times have you looked down your nose at the woman in the shelter trying to house her child while working all hours God gave her and still not making ends meet?
How many times have you felt sickened by the sight of a whore on the street or the junkie in the alley....only wishing someone would "clean up" the area so that you didn't have to see it while drinking your latte and driving in your car.
We've all done it at times. We have played the part of the catty, back-stabbing woman, the self righteous bitch who thinks she is better than the woman next to her, and the girl who is left feeling lonely and ashamed that she isn't as good as her "friend", her neighbor, her coworker.
Somehow as women we have fallen into the trap of blaming other women for our misfortune or our circumstance and then passed on the torture to another women somehow cleansing our selves of our own experience. WE (women) have perpetuated the myths about women not being as capable as men and WE (women) have supported the media in their campaign that women are never thin enough, young enough, or beautiful enough. It has to stop. Women have to unite together and support one another in our own countries so that we may stand united to combat the atrocities being inflicted on the women in other parts of the world.
What kind of lesson are we teaching our daughters when they witness our indifference to the plight of women around the world? And what do we teach them by pining over air brushed photos in magazines? What do you think your daughter will learn by hearing you gossip about another woman you saw at the park? Or what she will take to heart when given a doll that looks like a 6 year old hooker with a belly shirt and sparkling eye make up?
We have a responsibility to our sisters, our mothers , our daughters, and our friends. It is time that women come together to change the way that women are treated in our country and all over the world. You can start by changing the little things you do and by finding a way to educate your self to the circumstances of women everywhere.
The time is now!
The abuse must stop!
Friday, June 1, 2007
May the Angels be Rock Stars and Heaven be a Open Road
A name from the past came rushing back to me last week when I found out that a friend from my home town was killed in a motor cycle accident.
Lee was always a party animal who loved metal music, a good time with friends and nothing more than jumping on his bike and pushing his own limits. He was a person who had a good heart and would do anything to help a friend in need and that is what I will remember most about him. It has been many years since I spent any time with Lee but back in the day we ran with he same crowd and got in far to much trouble together. The memories came flooding back as I heard the sad news and some how I think only more will penetrate my mind as the reality of this loss sinks in.
Though I feel for Lee's family and friends and add my grief to their tears, I am mostly glad that I just got to know him and share a little of his life. That I got to walk the halls of Shuswap school with him, eat Christine's grilled cheese and jam sandwiches with him, see TJ Hooker (the live version) with him, Party at his Dad's place during the Spring Break that I will never forget, enjoy nights at canoe beach with him, and all the dances that we went to with the rest of our friends.
Lee lived and died doing what he loved and I only hope that we can all be so lucky.
Lee, my friend, I hope that you find peace where ever you are, that the angels are rock stars, and that heaven is a open road!
Blessed be, love and light
Lee was always a party animal who loved metal music, a good time with friends and nothing more than jumping on his bike and pushing his own limits. He was a person who had a good heart and would do anything to help a friend in need and that is what I will remember most about him. It has been many years since I spent any time with Lee but back in the day we ran with he same crowd and got in far to much trouble together. The memories came flooding back as I heard the sad news and some how I think only more will penetrate my mind as the reality of this loss sinks in.
Though I feel for Lee's family and friends and add my grief to their tears, I am mostly glad that I just got to know him and share a little of his life. That I got to walk the halls of Shuswap school with him, eat Christine's grilled cheese and jam sandwiches with him, see TJ Hooker (the live version) with him, Party at his Dad's place during the Spring Break that I will never forget, enjoy nights at canoe beach with him, and all the dances that we went to with the rest of our friends.
Lee lived and died doing what he loved and I only hope that we can all be so lucky.
Lee, my friend, I hope that you find peace where ever you are, that the angels are rock stars, and that heaven is a open road!
Blessed be, love and light
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Second Chances
Do you ever wonder how your childhood friends are?
How your old neighbor is that you lived next to many years ago?
Or what ever happened to the cutie you used to have a huge crush on?
Sometimes,as I sit working on a new painting, these types of questions would start going through my mind and so I went in search of friends that I haven't spoken to in far to long and to my wonderful surprise I have been able to track some of them down. In the last month or so I have located and emailed and spoken with almost 10 long-lost friends who all used to be a huge part of my life.
It is amazing how easily the conversation flows and how wonderful I feel after hearing that old familiar voice. We share stories, both the good and the bad, and somehow you know that there will be no judgment as these are the same people you used to share your secrets with and that have seen you through the days of bad hair, pimples, and terrible attempts at first love.
I am incredibly blessed to have made some wonderful friends in my adult life and now I am increasingly blessed with the reignited friendships of my youth.
I think that as we grow up, get married, have kids, and settle into our careers it is easy to loose touch with those that we once promised friends-4-ever to. Life gets complicated and the days are not nearly long enough to accomplish everything so sadly we put our friends further down the priority list and in no time we can barely remember the last time we spoke to them.
For me, finding and re-connecting with these friends is a gift to re-visit my younger self and to further understand just how far my friends and I have come in the years gone by.
Friends are an amazing gift and a rare commodity so I for one will do all I can to keep in touch with these fabulous folks.
Reaching out to someone after months or years of not speaking can be terrifying but trust me when I say it is worth pushing through the fear. I am so grateful for this second chance at friendship and I only hope that some of you may be encouraged by this post to do the same thing.
Blessed be, love and light
How your old neighbor is that you lived next to many years ago?
Or what ever happened to the cutie you used to have a huge crush on?
Sometimes,as I sit working on a new painting, these types of questions would start going through my mind and so I went in search of friends that I haven't spoken to in far to long and to my wonderful surprise I have been able to track some of them down. In the last month or so I have located and emailed and spoken with almost 10 long-lost friends who all used to be a huge part of my life.
It is amazing how easily the conversation flows and how wonderful I feel after hearing that old familiar voice. We share stories, both the good and the bad, and somehow you know that there will be no judgment as these are the same people you used to share your secrets with and that have seen you through the days of bad hair, pimples, and terrible attempts at first love.
I am incredibly blessed to have made some wonderful friends in my adult life and now I am increasingly blessed with the reignited friendships of my youth.
I think that as we grow up, get married, have kids, and settle into our careers it is easy to loose touch with those that we once promised friends-4-ever to. Life gets complicated and the days are not nearly long enough to accomplish everything so sadly we put our friends further down the priority list and in no time we can barely remember the last time we spoke to them.
For me, finding and re-connecting with these friends is a gift to re-visit my younger self and to further understand just how far my friends and I have come in the years gone by.
Friends are an amazing gift and a rare commodity so I for one will do all I can to keep in touch with these fabulous folks.
Reaching out to someone after months or years of not speaking can be terrifying but trust me when I say it is worth pushing through the fear. I am so grateful for this second chance at friendship and I only hope that some of you may be encouraged by this post to do the same thing.
Blessed be, love and light
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Raised the bar
Today was a wonderful sunny day and the rain we were expecting was moved on by the soft wind. Out at the stables I found Countess in her paddock and spent ages grooming her until she shone in the bright summer sun. It was a tough lesson with lots of work without stirrups but after a grueling 45 minutes it was time to start jumping.
Today was the day when the bar would be raised for the first time. Not by much but enough that Countess and I had to work a little harder. It was so great to feel her strength under me. She barely had to increase her effort but now I could feel her tighten her muscles and hear her breath a little deeper. I remembered everything that Mary-Ann, my instructor, had been teaching me and I could tell that Countess trusted my ability more this week than she had before. It was a wonderful feeling to connect with this lovely mare and know that she was starting to trust in my commands and that we were becoming a real team.
We were up to the last jump-round for the day. The full course consisted of a small cavaletti to start then down and around the arena to a oxer, a loop at the far end of the arena and then back down to a flower box wall and then up over a 2 fence straight to finish. We jumped a clear and it felt great to go further than we had before......Then the unexpected happened. Countess tripped, over what I don't know, but she tripped on the right and I stayed firm in the saddle but then as she tried to right herself her left leg gave out and she banged down on the knee. I lost my seat then and landed heavily but luckily wasn't hurt. Countess and I were righted and up in a flash and luckily neither were any worse the wear. Back into the saddle for a quick work out to make sure we were really both fine and then we called it a day.
Taking a spill is expected in horse riding and today was certainly not the first time for me but what I didn't expect was the instant worry I felt about a horse that I don't even own. My concern for my self was far out waited by my concern for Countess, the horse I ride only once per week. Today Countess and I raised the bar in our jumping, and then we raised the bar in our friendship.
Goddess bless you beautiful Countess!
Love and light,
Today was the day when the bar would be raised for the first time. Not by much but enough that Countess and I had to work a little harder. It was so great to feel her strength under me. She barely had to increase her effort but now I could feel her tighten her muscles and hear her breath a little deeper. I remembered everything that Mary-Ann, my instructor, had been teaching me and I could tell that Countess trusted my ability more this week than she had before. It was a wonderful feeling to connect with this lovely mare and know that she was starting to trust in my commands and that we were becoming a real team.
We were up to the last jump-round for the day. The full course consisted of a small cavaletti to start then down and around the arena to a oxer, a loop at the far end of the arena and then back down to a flower box wall and then up over a 2 fence straight to finish. We jumped a clear and it felt great to go further than we had before......Then the unexpected happened. Countess tripped, over what I don't know, but she tripped on the right and I stayed firm in the saddle but then as she tried to right herself her left leg gave out and she banged down on the knee. I lost my seat then and landed heavily but luckily wasn't hurt. Countess and I were righted and up in a flash and luckily neither were any worse the wear. Back into the saddle for a quick work out to make sure we were really both fine and then we called it a day.
Taking a spill is expected in horse riding and today was certainly not the first time for me but what I didn't expect was the instant worry I felt about a horse that I don't even own. My concern for my self was far out waited by my concern for Countess, the horse I ride only once per week. Today Countess and I raised the bar in our jumping, and then we raised the bar in our friendship.
Goddess bless you beautiful Countess!
Love and light,
Monday, May 14, 2007
Take a Chance, See an Angel
When we were young most of us thought nothing of going off to a new friends house or going to a place we'd never been before but often as we age we become less social, more comfy in our small group of close friends, our families, and our co-workers. We reach out far less to the stranger on the street who we instantly feel a strange connection to and rarely invite people into our homes but recently I was introduced to 2 people who break this mold and trust their instincts about people.
This lovely couple were given my name by my Father who thought we may like meeting each other and after a quick phone conversation my husband I were invited to their home for dinner. I'm a very private person and while I love to meet new people my first reaction to an invite like this is typically no BUT on this occasion both Eric and I said yes with abandon and are so glad that we did.
We followed our intuition that these people were people we needed to meet and we are so grateful that we listened to that inner voice. The evening we spent with this bright and warm couple and their wonderful friends re-ignited a passion in me to find a project to work on, to become clearer in my thoughts about the type of community I want to be a part of and opened a flood gate of ideas in my mind and heart.
Now looking back on the last few years I can see that every time I have taken a chance and had a conversation with someone that I typically wouldn't of, I have been given a great gift and a joy-filled memory that I will carry for a life time.
I remember a couple of years ago, sitting in a coffee house in a soft cozy arm chair by the fireplace. I never seem to be gifted with the "primo" spot in a coffee shop but this time I had snagged the best seat in the place and was lingering over my coffee and scone. I was a million miles away when an elderly man came up and asked if I minded him taking the arm chair opposite me and sharing my table. He was thin with long gray hair and beard, carrying an old beat up back pack and looked like he'd been living on the street. He also had the most lively Aztec blue eyes I'd ever seen and a smashing smile that you could get lost in, so I offered my table and let him know that I was almost finished anyway and would be leaving in a couple of minutes. Instead of rushing through the last of my coffee, as I had intended to do, I ended up sitting for almost an hour chatting with one of the most fascinating people I have ever had the honor of meeting. The old man was actually a song writer and author who spent 9 months out of each year trecking through a different country. He was well into his seventies and the sun had deepened every line on this face like the cracked Arizona earth. He exuded life and the cliche of living every moment to the fullest. After sharing stories with each other and discussing everything from travel to religion, to his greatest love we bid farewell without ever even exchanging names yet there is no doubt that he will live eternally in my heart and I in his.
It is wonderful moments like this, moments that confirm your intuition, that spark your creativity, and leave you feeling more alive than you did a second before, that are the greatest gifts we can possibly be given. Many people ask why they are not sent an Angel by the God/Goddess to which they prey but I say; Look around. You are sent angels every day. They ride the bus with you, they live across the street and sometimes they invite you to dinner after a quick phone call or ask to sit with you in a coffee shop. We are surrounded by God's angels and to someone else we have the opportunity to be an angel as well.
Reach out, take a chance, listen to your inner voice!
Blessed be, Love and light,
This lovely couple were given my name by my Father who thought we may like meeting each other and after a quick phone conversation my husband I were invited to their home for dinner. I'm a very private person and while I love to meet new people my first reaction to an invite like this is typically no BUT on this occasion both Eric and I said yes with abandon and are so glad that we did.
We followed our intuition that these people were people we needed to meet and we are so grateful that we listened to that inner voice. The evening we spent with this bright and warm couple and their wonderful friends re-ignited a passion in me to find a project to work on, to become clearer in my thoughts about the type of community I want to be a part of and opened a flood gate of ideas in my mind and heart.
Now looking back on the last few years I can see that every time I have taken a chance and had a conversation with someone that I typically wouldn't of, I have been given a great gift and a joy-filled memory that I will carry for a life time.
I remember a couple of years ago, sitting in a coffee house in a soft cozy arm chair by the fireplace. I never seem to be gifted with the "primo" spot in a coffee shop but this time I had snagged the best seat in the place and was lingering over my coffee and scone. I was a million miles away when an elderly man came up and asked if I minded him taking the arm chair opposite me and sharing my table. He was thin with long gray hair and beard, carrying an old beat up back pack and looked like he'd been living on the street. He also had the most lively Aztec blue eyes I'd ever seen and a smashing smile that you could get lost in, so I offered my table and let him know that I was almost finished anyway and would be leaving in a couple of minutes. Instead of rushing through the last of my coffee, as I had intended to do, I ended up sitting for almost an hour chatting with one of the most fascinating people I have ever had the honor of meeting. The old man was actually a song writer and author who spent 9 months out of each year trecking through a different country. He was well into his seventies and the sun had deepened every line on this face like the cracked Arizona earth. He exuded life and the cliche of living every moment to the fullest. After sharing stories with each other and discussing everything from travel to religion, to his greatest love we bid farewell without ever even exchanging names yet there is no doubt that he will live eternally in my heart and I in his.
It is wonderful moments like this, moments that confirm your intuition, that spark your creativity, and leave you feeling more alive than you did a second before, that are the greatest gifts we can possibly be given. Many people ask why they are not sent an Angel by the God/Goddess to which they prey but I say; Look around. You are sent angels every day. They ride the bus with you, they live across the street and sometimes they invite you to dinner after a quick phone call or ask to sit with you in a coffee shop. We are surrounded by God's angels and to someone else we have the opportunity to be an angel as well.
Reach out, take a chance, listen to your inner voice!
Blessed be, Love and light,
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
A visit from myself
Something moved and caught my eye but when I turned, it was gone.
I forced my shivering body to remain still in the hopes of the magical being returning.
Again, something moved at the corner of my eye and this time I managed to quell my curiosity and remain perfectly still.
Slowly and purposefully a shimmering form circled around me until it was positioned only a breath away.
The image was blurred and I struggled to see past the confines of my mind so I could understand what stood before me.
Moments passed; I'm not sure how long. It may have been hours, days or perhaps even years as my body felt older now and I noticed streaks of silver in my hair.
"Who are you?" I asked with all the courage I could muster. But the being only glittered more brightly in answer.
"What do you want?" I now demanded in both fear and impatience. Again the glittering and shimmering increased and then it whispered to me in a voice; so familiar.
"Am I so unrecognizable to you?
Has it been so long since I entered your mind?
I am your dreams and desires, your goals and your passions.
I have been patient while you dallied in other things and were absorbed
in your daily life but now I refuse to wait any longer."
With that, the now glowing entity rushed towards me and enveloped my being. I openly wept for joy at the feeling of this missing presence returning to me and I laughed at my own ignorance for not even knowing it had been lost.
"I am glad you are home my friend. Tomorrow we shall create our dreams as we had
planned to so many years ago" I whispered to my own ear.
"Why wait another moment?" I heard myself reply!
I forced my shivering body to remain still in the hopes of the magical being returning.
Again, something moved at the corner of my eye and this time I managed to quell my curiosity and remain perfectly still.
Slowly and purposefully a shimmering form circled around me until it was positioned only a breath away.
The image was blurred and I struggled to see past the confines of my mind so I could understand what stood before me.
Moments passed; I'm not sure how long. It may have been hours, days or perhaps even years as my body felt older now and I noticed streaks of silver in my hair.
"Who are you?" I asked with all the courage I could muster. But the being only glittered more brightly in answer.
"What do you want?" I now demanded in both fear and impatience. Again the glittering and shimmering increased and then it whispered to me in a voice; so familiar.
"Am I so unrecognizable to you?
Has it been so long since I entered your mind?
I am your dreams and desires, your goals and your passions.
I have been patient while you dallied in other things and were absorbed
in your daily life but now I refuse to wait any longer."
With that, the now glowing entity rushed towards me and enveloped my being. I openly wept for joy at the feeling of this missing presence returning to me and I laughed at my own ignorance for not even knowing it had been lost.
"I am glad you are home my friend. Tomorrow we shall create our dreams as we had
planned to so many years ago" I whispered to my own ear.
"Why wait another moment?" I heard myself reply!
Friday, April 27, 2007
Keep the faith
There are times in life that seem incredibly dark. Times where you feel that no matter what you do you simply can't make things better than they are. You dream of a life that would fulfill your soul and would leave you feeling proud at the end of each day but somehow no matter the prayers you whisper, the goals you set, the money you save, and the hours you put in your dreams are left as nothing more than whispers and wishes spoken to the moon.
I have always believed that the challenges we face in life are gifts wrapped in heartache. That when you peal back the difficult situation or challenge, you are left with the gift of greater wisdom, greater strength, and a chance to make a better situation for yourself. This belief will not change despite the challenges that I am now facing. Some how my dreams of being a mother, owning a business, living a country life style and leaving this world a better place than I found it will come to fruition. I know this because I have Faith and because I have my wonderful husband at my side and when I falter I know he will pick me up and carry my dreams forward until I have the strength to carry them on again my self. They say that love can overcome everything and now more than ever, I believe that this is true.
Keep your faith strong and meet each challenge with the most positivity you can muster. I will do the same and I have the feeling we will all see our dreams materialize some how.
Blessed be, Love and light,
I have always believed that the challenges we face in life are gifts wrapped in heartache. That when you peal back the difficult situation or challenge, you are left with the gift of greater wisdom, greater strength, and a chance to make a better situation for yourself. This belief will not change despite the challenges that I am now facing. Some how my dreams of being a mother, owning a business, living a country life style and leaving this world a better place than I found it will come to fruition. I know this because I have Faith and because I have my wonderful husband at my side and when I falter I know he will pick me up and carry my dreams forward until I have the strength to carry them on again my self. They say that love can overcome everything and now more than ever, I believe that this is true.
Keep your faith strong and meet each challenge with the most positivity you can muster. I will do the same and I have the feeling we will all see our dreams materialize some how.
Blessed be, Love and light,
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Thirty v's Thirties
I am 2 days away from my 31st birthday and I find my self feeling anxious about my lifes progress and the progression of my dreams into realities. When I turned 30 I found that it was a very easy feeling. The beginning of a new decade of my life with so many possibilities. Here I am a year later and I have realized that I am now IN my thirties rather than just 30 and it is a very different feeling. Don't get me wrong I am not heading into a mid-life crisis or anything but I am noticing that time is flying by and I may not be using it to the best of my abilities.
Feeling accomplished is at the corner stone of many peoples identities. For instance when you meet someone they ask your name and what you do, not who you are within your soul. The lack of accomplishment in the last year made me panic this morning as I pondered my up coming birthday and I realized that while on paper I have done very little this year in regards to career or money, the progress of my soul has been astonishing!
Over the last year I over came my fear of further education and realized that I can easily learn new things and am in fact "book smart", I have written at least a dozen songs and even recorded a couple, flipped a condo, dedicated myself to horse riding again and learning to do it properly, painted Goddess knows how many paintings (5-10 of which are worth framing and could actually be sold), started to garden, trained a new puppy, started a compalation of short stories, and the highlight....fallen head over heals in love and married the most wonderful man!
As far as years go this one has been AMAZING!!!!!
So while I am yet to publish a book, show my art in a major gallery, sell one of my songs to a international singing sensation, or open my own business, I think I have done quite well....
Who knows where I'll be at 32!
Blessed be, love and light
Feeling accomplished is at the corner stone of many peoples identities. For instance when you meet someone they ask your name and what you do, not who you are within your soul. The lack of accomplishment in the last year made me panic this morning as I pondered my up coming birthday and I realized that while on paper I have done very little this year in regards to career or money, the progress of my soul has been astonishing!
Over the last year I over came my fear of further education and realized that I can easily learn new things and am in fact "book smart", I have written at least a dozen songs and even recorded a couple, flipped a condo, dedicated myself to horse riding again and learning to do it properly, painted Goddess knows how many paintings (5-10 of which are worth framing and could actually be sold), started to garden, trained a new puppy, started a compalation of short stories, and the highlight....fallen head over heals in love and married the most wonderful man!
As far as years go this one has been AMAZING!!!!!
So while I am yet to publish a book, show my art in a major gallery, sell one of my songs to a international singing sensation, or open my own business, I think I have done quite well....
Who knows where I'll be at 32!
Blessed be, love and light
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Living in Happiness
Six days since my last post and I don't think I have ever had so much time pass since the beginning of my blogging adventure. Though the desire to write was with me I found that I felt I had very little to say that may of been of interest so I prowled back into the comfort of my own mind and curled up with a good book waiting to be inspired.
So what, you may ask, has drawn me out of my cave and back to the keyboard?
Happiness is the answer!
Happiness and the lack of it that so many people experience.
It is, in my mind, a tricky emotion. One that is as vague as love itself. For although it is seen as a simple smile and is spoken of without another thought, the essence of happiness eludes many except in brief slivers of joy that break up the monotony of no feeling at all.
For me happiness is an emotion that I had to learn to sustain. Being a child who was sensitive and aware of her surroundings from a very tender age, allowed me to take on the shadowed emotions that plague us as adults due to stress and responsibility. I found myself feeling frivolous if I played and laughed too much as it seemed unfair that I should have so much joy when those I loved struggled with tolls I was too young to fully understand.
Through that time and then difficult situations as I grew, I formed a hardened shell around my heart and found that I was left wanting for another life. I lived in the state of wanting for many years and it is only now that I understand that when you live in a perpetual state of want, you stop yourself from living in a state of continued happiness as happiness can only live in the moment.
While I still pursue my dreams and goals with all the passion I can muster I do not live in a state of want as I am grateful for all that I have and in that gratefulness I can feel happiness.
Overcoming the obscurity of this simple emotion has also taught me to open myself to a world of other emotions such as appreciation, peacefulness, and acceptance.
I spent too many of my thirty years on this earth working against my life and trying to mold it into the image I thought would allow me happiness. Yet the moment I stopped working against the life I have and enjoyed it as it is, happiness took over and freed me from the want I was submersed in.
I know that to many of you this may sound like a lot of hocus pocus bull shit but the truth is that you only have two options in this life......
To pursue your dreams from a place of want
or
To pursue them from a place of gratefulness.
Only one will bring you joy on a daily basis and give you the strength to see your dreams through to fruition. That is the choice I make.
I wish you well with your choice.
Blessed be. Love and Light,
So what, you may ask, has drawn me out of my cave and back to the keyboard?
Happiness is the answer!
Happiness and the lack of it that so many people experience.
It is, in my mind, a tricky emotion. One that is as vague as love itself. For although it is seen as a simple smile and is spoken of without another thought, the essence of happiness eludes many except in brief slivers of joy that break up the monotony of no feeling at all.
For me happiness is an emotion that I had to learn to sustain. Being a child who was sensitive and aware of her surroundings from a very tender age, allowed me to take on the shadowed emotions that plague us as adults due to stress and responsibility. I found myself feeling frivolous if I played and laughed too much as it seemed unfair that I should have so much joy when those I loved struggled with tolls I was too young to fully understand.
Through that time and then difficult situations as I grew, I formed a hardened shell around my heart and found that I was left wanting for another life. I lived in the state of wanting for many years and it is only now that I understand that when you live in a perpetual state of want, you stop yourself from living in a state of continued happiness as happiness can only live in the moment.
While I still pursue my dreams and goals with all the passion I can muster I do not live in a state of want as I am grateful for all that I have and in that gratefulness I can feel happiness.
Overcoming the obscurity of this simple emotion has also taught me to open myself to a world of other emotions such as appreciation, peacefulness, and acceptance.
I spent too many of my thirty years on this earth working against my life and trying to mold it into the image I thought would allow me happiness. Yet the moment I stopped working against the life I have and enjoyed it as it is, happiness took over and freed me from the want I was submersed in.
I know that to many of you this may sound like a lot of hocus pocus bull shit but the truth is that you only have two options in this life......
To pursue your dreams from a place of want
or
To pursue them from a place of gratefulness.
Only one will bring you joy on a daily basis and give you the strength to see your dreams through to fruition. That is the choice I make.
I wish you well with your choice.
Blessed be. Love and Light,
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Things That Go Bump in the Garden
Warm Spring sunshine, a cool breeze and the gentle song of my wind chimes fill the garden with tranquility at the moment. Birds sing and chirp from all the trees and my cat Grey-El has taken to sunning himself on the front step so he can accost me for pets the moment my shoveling takes a pause.
Gardening has become my new labor of love and I look forward to planning each change that I make and watering my new little plants, but there is a dark force working in the shadows. A sinister side to the garden that only emerges when you start poking around in it......
It is the creepy crawlies!!!!!
Okay, so those of you who know me personally may not be shocked by my bug filled nightmares.
It is quite well known that my "I am woman hear me roar" attitude turns into "I am a squeamish little girl" routine the second something flies, jumps, or crawls on me but I didn't realize just how many times I would have to face my fears taking up this new hobby of mine.
So far I have had to slowly make friends with:
Perhaps this is a lesson that is far greater than just my own learning to garden and over come bug related fears.
Perhaps the real lesson, for me and those of you reading this, is that despite things scaring us because they are different from us they each have a place in this world. They are each a part of our environment and this delicate ecosystem called earth.
Tolerance is a beautiful gift to give our environment, our fellow human beings and our selves. If we learn to give this gift freely than we may be so lucky to receive it in return.
If you are interested in learning about the environment around you and how you can be more tolerant and less harmful to it please check out the Nature Conservancy of Canada's website.
Blessed Be. Love and Light.
Gardening has become my new labor of love and I look forward to planning each change that I make and watering my new little plants, but there is a dark force working in the shadows. A sinister side to the garden that only emerges when you start poking around in it......
It is the creepy crawlies!!!!!
Okay, so those of you who know me personally may not be shocked by my bug filled nightmares.
It is quite well known that my "I am woman hear me roar" attitude turns into "I am a squeamish little girl" routine the second something flies, jumps, or crawls on me but I didn't realize just how many times I would have to face my fears taking up this new hobby of mine.
So far I have had to slowly make friends with:
- The biggest earth worms known to man:
Of which I have thousands and which is supposed to be very good for my soil! - Ugly fat grub things:
Which I thought were bad so I would use my shovel to chuck them on the path but it turns out that they are good so I now leave them be but the crows who would helpfully eat the grubs are totally pissed and scream bloody murder at me whenever I am outside. - A nest of ants:
That thought me very rude when I turned over a random paving stone and in the process destroyed years of tunnels and work. - And last but not least a freaking black widow spider:
Who I must admit was (in the 30 seconds I was frozen in place before screaming and running like a gay man being forced into polyester) very striking and quite glamorous to look at.
Perhaps this is a lesson that is far greater than just my own learning to garden and over come bug related fears.
Perhaps the real lesson, for me and those of you reading this, is that despite things scaring us because they are different from us they each have a place in this world. They are each a part of our environment and this delicate ecosystem called earth.
Tolerance is a beautiful gift to give our environment, our fellow human beings and our selves. If we learn to give this gift freely than we may be so lucky to receive it in return.
If you are interested in learning about the environment around you and how you can be more tolerant and less harmful to it please check out the Nature Conservancy of Canada's website.
Blessed Be. Love and Light.
Meeting Muriel
I was working in the front garden a couple of days ago when a lady passed by and commented on my progression so far. I was ready for a rest after weeding and being bent over for what seemed like days so I went over to meet Muriel and thank her for her comments.
I find gaging someones age very difficult but I could see from her soft leathered skin, wrinkled hands, and wind blown Grey hair that she was in her later years but her eyes shone brightly and she was very bright and animated in our conversation. Later she mentioned that she was coming up to her 70th birthday!
As our house is close to an assisted living complex I see lots of older people and it makes me smile to see the ones that are getting out and about rather than spending their lives indoors waiting to die. Muriel for instance is an avid outdoors woman and made me laugh when she said that she is bored not working any longer and has no desire to hang out with all the "old people" as she called them, so she walks for miles everyday and bird watches in different parks.
Muriel then told me about when she had learned to garden. Muriel is from London and was a child in WWII. Everyone was on rash ens during and after the war so learning to grow your own food was essential and encouraged by the government. She took those skills and built on them throughout her life, growing her own food and also gardening as a job when she moved to Canada. Gardening had always been a very important part of her life and she was very pleased to see i was making it a part of mine.
Muriel went on to tell me how wonderful dandelions are and how they can be eaten in so many ways (roots, leaves, flowers) and that organic gardening is the only way to go.
Yesterday I found a note in my letterbox from Muriel along with a organic gardening flyer. She underlined points of interest based on our conversation and I was thrilled to see that she had pointed out books for me to read, conservation and organic gardening meetings I can go to and websites I can use for research. The websites really made me smile as I love seeing older people embracing new ways of life and communication. Muriel is a hip broad!
Through talking with Muriel I see how much I could learn from this woman. Growing food, organic gardening, taking care of yourself and your family when your country is in political upheaval, how being a educated woman is crucial, and it makes me sad to think that her knowledge and that of so many like her is not cherished and passed on but is just left in exchange for our fast consumer privileged life styles. Well, not me. I will take any opportunity I get to talk with Muriel. To learn from her and hear her stories and I know that I will be a better person for it.
Blessed be to you all. Blessed be to my new friend Muriel!
I find gaging someones age very difficult but I could see from her soft leathered skin, wrinkled hands, and wind blown Grey hair that she was in her later years but her eyes shone brightly and she was very bright and animated in our conversation. Later she mentioned that she was coming up to her 70th birthday!
As our house is close to an assisted living complex I see lots of older people and it makes me smile to see the ones that are getting out and about rather than spending their lives indoors waiting to die. Muriel for instance is an avid outdoors woman and made me laugh when she said that she is bored not working any longer and has no desire to hang out with all the "old people" as she called them, so she walks for miles everyday and bird watches in different parks.
Muriel then told me about when she had learned to garden. Muriel is from London and was a child in WWII. Everyone was on rash ens during and after the war so learning to grow your own food was essential and encouraged by the government. She took those skills and built on them throughout her life, growing her own food and also gardening as a job when she moved to Canada. Gardening had always been a very important part of her life and she was very pleased to see i was making it a part of mine.
Muriel went on to tell me how wonderful dandelions are and how they can be eaten in so many ways (roots, leaves, flowers) and that organic gardening is the only way to go.
Yesterday I found a note in my letterbox from Muriel along with a organic gardening flyer. She underlined points of interest based on our conversation and I was thrilled to see that she had pointed out books for me to read, conservation and organic gardening meetings I can go to and websites I can use for research. The websites really made me smile as I love seeing older people embracing new ways of life and communication. Muriel is a hip broad!
Through talking with Muriel I see how much I could learn from this woman. Growing food, organic gardening, taking care of yourself and your family when your country is in political upheaval, how being a educated woman is crucial, and it makes me sad to think that her knowledge and that of so many like her is not cherished and passed on but is just left in exchange for our fast consumer privileged life styles. Well, not me. I will take any opportunity I get to talk with Muriel. To learn from her and hear her stories and I know that I will be a better person for it.
Blessed be to you all. Blessed be to my new friend Muriel!
Monday, April 9, 2007
Tick-Tock
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
12:40, 12:41, 12:42...
The time goes so slowly when the rest of the world is sleeping and you simply can't join them. I'm not sure what it is that is playing on my mind but I find myself restless and unable to find peace in both my body and my thoughts.
My bed feels hard and my ,normally soft, sheets are scratchy on my naked skin.
The temperature in the room is perfectly imperfect.
Not hot enough to allow the freedom of no covers, not cold enough to allow me to bury in a blankets comforting embrace.
My mind races from image to image as stillness averts me dodging behind a repeating line in a song or one passage from a book just finished.
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
12:46, 12:47, 12:48...
I reach out to find comfort in the body lying next to me. The body containing the soul that can always bring me peace.
But tonight the coolness of his shoulder makes me uneasy, the labor of his breath seems too loud and the hair upon his legs makes my body itch and squirm.
He reaches out from slumber to rest his foot on mine in a loving dreamy haze but the grumpy insomniac within me wants to kick him like a five year old and tell him to get on his own side.
"Mum he's touching me" flies through my mind and I can almost hear the words...
"If I have to pull this car over".
How funny it is that in our most frustrated and weary moments we can so easily resort to our inner child like emotions.
At 6 I was going on 12, at 12 I was going on 20 and now at 30 I am going on 6.
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
12:54, 12:55, 12:56...
My key strokes come slowly and my eyes feel dry and sticky against my lids. Everything is fatigued and yet the frustration of not sleeping keeps me from my bed like a never ending circle.
Count sheep they say.
one, two, three.
I become board rather than tired so the sheep start dancing and then singing and now I have their song stuck in my head. AARRRGGGGHHHHH
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
12:59, 01:00, 01:01...
Another day has passed and I am still counting the minutes. Why is it sleep evades me?
Am I to witness something incredible in these early morning hours?
I walk to the window and look out to view the spectacle that I am being kept awake for....
But the street is quiet and not even a cat is passing under the lamp light.
I listen to the nights silence and realize that perhaps my insomnia is a gift after all.
For the quiet of the night is delicious and the breeze in the trees in our yard sings out a haunting lullaby that only sounds this sweet when the rest of the world has become still.
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
01:06, 01:07 01:08...
Stillness overtakes me, my eyes soften, my mind releases and I am off to bed.
Tick-Tock goes the clock.
Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock
12:40, 12:41, 12:42...
The time goes so slowly when the rest of the world is sleeping and you simply can't join them. I'm not sure what it is that is playing on my mind but I find myself restless and unable to find peace in both my body and my thoughts.
My bed feels hard and my ,normally soft, sheets are scratchy on my naked skin.
The temperature in the room is perfectly imperfect.
Not hot enough to allow the freedom of no covers, not cold enough to allow me to bury in a blankets comforting embrace.
My mind races from image to image as stillness averts me dodging behind a repeating line in a song or one passage from a book just finished.
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
12:46, 12:47, 12:48...
I reach out to find comfort in the body lying next to me. The body containing the soul that can always bring me peace.
But tonight the coolness of his shoulder makes me uneasy, the labor of his breath seems too loud and the hair upon his legs makes my body itch and squirm.
He reaches out from slumber to rest his foot on mine in a loving dreamy haze but the grumpy insomniac within me wants to kick him like a five year old and tell him to get on his own side.
"Mum he's touching me" flies through my mind and I can almost hear the words...
"If I have to pull this car over".
How funny it is that in our most frustrated and weary moments we can so easily resort to our inner child like emotions.
At 6 I was going on 12, at 12 I was going on 20 and now at 30 I am going on 6.
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
12:54, 12:55, 12:56...
My key strokes come slowly and my eyes feel dry and sticky against my lids. Everything is fatigued and yet the frustration of not sleeping keeps me from my bed like a never ending circle.
Count sheep they say.
one, two, three.
I become board rather than tired so the sheep start dancing and then singing and now I have their song stuck in my head. AARRRGGGGHHHHH
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
12:59, 01:00, 01:01...
Another day has passed and I am still counting the minutes. Why is it sleep evades me?
Am I to witness something incredible in these early morning hours?
I walk to the window and look out to view the spectacle that I am being kept awake for....
But the street is quiet and not even a cat is passing under the lamp light.
I listen to the nights silence and realize that perhaps my insomnia is a gift after all.
For the quiet of the night is delicious and the breeze in the trees in our yard sings out a haunting lullaby that only sounds this sweet when the rest of the world has become still.
Tick-Tock goes the clock and I am still awake.
01:06, 01:07 01:08...
Stillness overtakes me, my eyes soften, my mind releases and I am off to bed.
Tick-Tock goes the clock.
Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock
Thursday, April 5, 2007
The World is not Black & White
As I'm sure many of you have heard Canada has come under serious attack for its seal hunt in the last few years. The beginning of April for most of us is about Easter celebrations but it is also the beginning of hunt season for the baby seals.If you have been brave enough to watch any of the graphic videos or to view any of the photos taken of the seal hunt I am sure that you will be as shocked and horrified as I am but don't forget that to every story their is another side. Every time we are horrified by a blood thirsty sight of a predator taking its prey we also have to understand that the predator has a story as well.
25-35% of the involved fisherman's income is derived from the seal hunt. These people have families to support and in the case of the Northern Aboriginal communities it is the food they put in their children's mouths.
The humane society is asking for people to take action and in support I, along with thousands of others, have committed to not buy Canadian seafood until the commercial seal hunt is abolished. I will stay true to my word but what I need to also ask my self is how is it that I can enjoy my evening meal of chicken or beef and not feel like a complete hypocrite.
Canada consumed 982,000 metric tonnes of chicken last year based on findings reported by the International Poultry Market Place and yet we are not protesting outside of every grocery store in the country.
Is one animal more deserving of life than another?
Is the seal pup anymore of a victim than the lamb or the calf that we so often serve at our tables?
I would not be so presumptuous as to tell another where to stand on this issue. I can barely understand where I stand on this issue myself but I do ask each of you to think about it. Don't just look away from the blood shed. You have been given the gift of choice so make it with a clear mind and an honest heart.
The world is not black and white but with each passing day it continues to be red.
Stained in the blood of our brothers, our sisters, our animals, and our environment.
Blessed Be.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Rainbow
Though my Mother never re-married after the divorce my Father did. He had two loves after my Mum. The first ended after many years and although my Dad was heart broken at the time it was also what allowed him to experience the true love of his life, Doug.
Doug and I met before he was my Dad's partner as he was friends with my Dad and my Mum through work. He was younger and full of a party animal spirit. He and I even went to a wedding together as he was friends with the bride and I was dating the Grooms son. Doug was wild and fun and searching for something. Blond hair, blue eyes and a big smile are how most saw Doug but behind the smile their was a slight shadow. You see it in many people if you look close enough. It is a part of themselves yet discovered and I could see that in Doug. I always wondered if he smiled when he was alone because to me that is the test of a truly happy person, if you smile when no one is watching.
Bringing together a conservative & proper business man with a party going aging wild child may not seem like a match made in heaven but here we are 17 years later and many of us look at their relationship and wish for a love as strong . I can also say with confidence that each of them now smiles when no one is watching.
My two Dads have the most amazing and positive effect on each other. Balancing out each others personality excesses and teaching one another to see the world through enlightened eyes.
In 1991 they stood before family, friends and curious on lookers and declared their love for one another in a Spiritual commitment ceremony. It was a wonderful summer day and laughter could be heard for miles around. A simple service conducted by Darrell, a family friend and United church minister, took place on the grass behind the swimming pool at our house and as they said "I do" we all knew we were witnessing something very special.
My Mum stood next to my Dad during the ceremony and acted as his best man. She never stopped loving my Dad as he really was the one and only love of her life but she beamed with joy that day and willingly handed over the keys to my Dads heart to Doug. He was the only person she would of trusted them to.
Doug was instantly a part of our family and it was hard to imagine that he hadn't always been so.
Being a step parent is never easy. Being a step parent to a precocious and head strong little redhead with a fiery temper is another story all together. But Doug handled it in his stride and always gave me enough rope to see the edge of the cliff without allowing me to actually hang myself.
As I have mentioned in other posts, I feel very blessed for my three parents. None of whom could of raised me alone but together they took the precocious, head strong, little redhead with a temper and grew a confident, loving, happy, larger redhead with a slightly more controlled temper.
Family doesn't come in a one size fits all box. It comes in multitude of shapes, sizes and colors. Mine just happens to be a rainbow.
Please take the time today to enjoy the many colors of your family.
Blessed Be, Love and Light.
Doug and I met before he was my Dad's partner as he was friends with my Dad and my Mum through work. He was younger and full of a party animal spirit. He and I even went to a wedding together as he was friends with the bride and I was dating the Grooms son. Doug was wild and fun and searching for something. Blond hair, blue eyes and a big smile are how most saw Doug but behind the smile their was a slight shadow. You see it in many people if you look close enough. It is a part of themselves yet discovered and I could see that in Doug. I always wondered if he smiled when he was alone because to me that is the test of a truly happy person, if you smile when no one is watching.
Bringing together a conservative & proper business man with a party going aging wild child may not seem like a match made in heaven but here we are 17 years later and many of us look at their relationship and wish for a love as strong . I can also say with confidence that each of them now smiles when no one is watching.
My two Dads have the most amazing and positive effect on each other. Balancing out each others personality excesses and teaching one another to see the world through enlightened eyes.
In 1991 they stood before family, friends and curious on lookers and declared their love for one another in a Spiritual commitment ceremony. It was a wonderful summer day and laughter could be heard for miles around. A simple service conducted by Darrell, a family friend and United church minister, took place on the grass behind the swimming pool at our house and as they said "I do" we all knew we were witnessing something very special.
My Mum stood next to my Dad during the ceremony and acted as his best man. She never stopped loving my Dad as he really was the one and only love of her life but she beamed with joy that day and willingly handed over the keys to my Dads heart to Doug. He was the only person she would of trusted them to.
Doug was instantly a part of our family and it was hard to imagine that he hadn't always been so.
Being a step parent is never easy. Being a step parent to a precocious and head strong little redhead with a fiery temper is another story all together. But Doug handled it in his stride and always gave me enough rope to see the edge of the cliff without allowing me to actually hang myself.
As I have mentioned in other posts, I feel very blessed for my three parents. None of whom could of raised me alone but together they took the precocious, head strong, little redhead with a temper and grew a confident, loving, happy, larger redhead with a slightly more controlled temper.
Family doesn't come in a one size fits all box. It comes in multitude of shapes, sizes and colors. Mine just happens to be a rainbow.
Please take the time today to enjoy the many colors of your family.
Blessed Be, Love and Light.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Just Kidding!!!!!
Happy April Fools Day.
No we are not moving to Montana and no there are not any Pink Silkie Chickens.
No we are not moving to Montana and no there are not any Pink Silkie Chickens.
Exciting News!!!
It is with overwhelming excitement and mild trepidation that I announce some exciting news!!!!
Since early February Eric and I have been in negotiations with Mr. and Mrs. Edward Roth to take over their chicken farm in Montana. Last night we came to a verbal agreement and on Tuesday we will sign our old life away.
My love for chickens developed as a child when visiting my Grandparents farm. Every morning I would get up early to the sounds of a rooster so I could help to feed the hens and collect the eggs. When my Dads moved to Mission, BC they inherited a group of ducks and feeding them each morning brought back the desire to be involved with birds of some kind.
Eric and I have been wanting to find a way into a farm life so when he found an add for a small farm for sale we decided to get the details. Mr. and Mrs. Roth have been breeding specialty 'pink' silkies since 1985 but have only had this new color recognized for 2 years and have since won many prizes for their beautiful birds. Silkie hens were developed in the Orient, probably in Japan. The feathers don't have barbs or quills, and the birds look and feel like Persian cats! Some of the varieties are Black, Blue, Buff, Partridge, Silver-grey, White and now thanks to the Roths a soft blush color known as Pinks. Interesting characteristics of the breed are its 5 toes and black skin. They also have walnut combs, which should be a deep mulberry approaching black. Silkie hens are among the best to use as broodies if you want to hatch your eggs out under hens. They make wonderful mothers and on occasion a silkie rooster will steal a brood of very young chicks and raise them himself -- this is a very nurturing breed. It is in fact the nurturing characteristic of the silkies that convinced Eric to give up his computer career and agree to buy the farm.
While living in the USA is something I never thought I would do, this opportunity is just too good to pass up. It will allow Eric and I to work together and raise our family of pink hens. All the details of our exciting move will be posted soon once we get it all finalized.
Wish us luck!!!!
Friday, March 30, 2007
A Family of Unconditional Love
By the grace of the Goddess I have been blessed with an exceptional family!
A family that is no where close to normal, who has had more than its fare share of drama, but who has, no matter what, loved each other unconditionally.
The term unconditional love has become a bit of a trendy catch phrase in the last few years but to actually live this philosophy is another story. My Mum and Dad taught me the truth of unconditional love from day one and still to this day my Dad reminds me of its tough reality.
To love a person in the moment is easy. As we are loving beings at our core but to love a person when they are at their darkest is another challenge all together.
Since my Dad was in his twenties he has been taking in those with no where to go and teaching them to heal themselves and to love no matter how broken their hearts and souls may be.
He has taken in street kids that no one else would take, he has taken in hitch hikers who didn't have a place to hitch to, he has shown kindness to his most ruthless business rivals and he has provided love to each and everyone of them.
Many of those that he has helped have turned on him in their difficult times only to be forgiven, made to analyze their own life lessons and then accepted back in to our family fold.
I think of my Mum as being a little tougher as she was (she passed back to Spirit 15 years ago) very protective of those she loved and had any one, out side her family fold, hurt someone within her family she would pounce like a tigress protecting her cub. But in truth she was just as forgiving and opened her heart and home to all who needed her.
To truly understand this family story of mine you would need to understand the family a little so I will try to explain our weird, wonderful, and blissfully dysfunctional clan:
My Mum and Dad married in their twenties after meeting through my maternal Grandfather who my Dad was working for. My Mother became pregnant and so they got married. Most would think of this as an unplanned pregnancy but after chatting with my Aunt (Mum's sister) I learned that it was far from unplanned (at least my Mums part!).
Within a short time the marriage dissolved due to irreconcilable differences or perhaps I should say similarities.....they both like to sleep with men :-)
Even though my parents marriage ended, the love never did. They stayed best friends from day one, talking on the phone, raising their daughter (me), and always sharing an incredible love. Nothing can represent this love more than my Dad and his partner allowing my Mum and I to live with them when my Mum fell on hard financial times. We all lived together on and off over the last few years of my Mums life and when it was time for my Mum to come home to die after a battle with cancer it was my Dad's house she went to. Everyday I would read to her and everyday my Dad would bath her and hold her hand. My two dads, my Mum and I made up a perfect family unit and I feel very blessed to this day for all three of my parents. A stunning and spectacular Mum as well as two amazing and unique Dads.
I am also blessed with five Brothers all of whom are much older and are the result of the love extended to those who needed it the most. My parents and then my Dad after the divorce ran a group home for kids who society had washed their hands of. They were the children of drug dealers, prostitutes and criminals and many had already racked up a reputation with the police by the tender age of 13 yrs. Five of these boys became part of our family and now have families and careers of their own. They learned to trust, to make a better life for themselves and most importantly LOVE.
Not all of the boys who came into the group homes have been as successful by societies standards as my brothers but they did experience love and learned to take care of each other and that is an amazing success.
The borders of our family extend out around far more than just our blood relatives. We have opened up our family to all who wanted to be a part of it and this diverse tapestry has enriched all of our lives, especially mine.
Unconditional Love - A messy, difficult, and sometimes trying philosophy to live by but it is delicious in its variety of flavors and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
Everyones family has a story and I would love to hear about some of yours so please feel free to share them with me as I have shared mine with you.
Blessed Be , Love and Light
A family that is no where close to normal, who has had more than its fare share of drama, but who has, no matter what, loved each other unconditionally.
The term unconditional love has become a bit of a trendy catch phrase in the last few years but to actually live this philosophy is another story. My Mum and Dad taught me the truth of unconditional love from day one and still to this day my Dad reminds me of its tough reality.
To love a person in the moment is easy. As we are loving beings at our core but to love a person when they are at their darkest is another challenge all together.
Since my Dad was in his twenties he has been taking in those with no where to go and teaching them to heal themselves and to love no matter how broken their hearts and souls may be.
He has taken in street kids that no one else would take, he has taken in hitch hikers who didn't have a place to hitch to, he has shown kindness to his most ruthless business rivals and he has provided love to each and everyone of them.
Many of those that he has helped have turned on him in their difficult times only to be forgiven, made to analyze their own life lessons and then accepted back in to our family fold.
I think of my Mum as being a little tougher as she was (she passed back to Spirit 15 years ago) very protective of those she loved and had any one, out side her family fold, hurt someone within her family she would pounce like a tigress protecting her cub. But in truth she was just as forgiving and opened her heart and home to all who needed her.
To truly understand this family story of mine you would need to understand the family a little so I will try to explain our weird, wonderful, and blissfully dysfunctional clan:
My Mum and Dad married in their twenties after meeting through my maternal Grandfather who my Dad was working for. My Mother became pregnant and so they got married. Most would think of this as an unplanned pregnancy but after chatting with my Aunt (Mum's sister) I learned that it was far from unplanned (at least my Mums part!).
Within a short time the marriage dissolved due to irreconcilable differences or perhaps I should say similarities.....they both like to sleep with men :-)
Even though my parents marriage ended, the love never did. They stayed best friends from day one, talking on the phone, raising their daughter (me), and always sharing an incredible love. Nothing can represent this love more than my Dad and his partner allowing my Mum and I to live with them when my Mum fell on hard financial times. We all lived together on and off over the last few years of my Mums life and when it was time for my Mum to come home to die after a battle with cancer it was my Dad's house she went to. Everyday I would read to her and everyday my Dad would bath her and hold her hand. My two dads, my Mum and I made up a perfect family unit and I feel very blessed to this day for all three of my parents. A stunning and spectacular Mum as well as two amazing and unique Dads.
I am also blessed with five Brothers all of whom are much older and are the result of the love extended to those who needed it the most. My parents and then my Dad after the divorce ran a group home for kids who society had washed their hands of. They were the children of drug dealers, prostitutes and criminals and many had already racked up a reputation with the police by the tender age of 13 yrs. Five of these boys became part of our family and now have families and careers of their own. They learned to trust, to make a better life for themselves and most importantly LOVE.
Not all of the boys who came into the group homes have been as successful by societies standards as my brothers but they did experience love and learned to take care of each other and that is an amazing success.
The borders of our family extend out around far more than just our blood relatives. We have opened up our family to all who wanted to be a part of it and this diverse tapestry has enriched all of our lives, especially mine.
Unconditional Love - A messy, difficult, and sometimes trying philosophy to live by but it is delicious in its variety of flavors and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
Everyones family has a story and I would love to hear about some of yours so please feel free to share them with me as I have shared mine with you.
Blessed Be , Love and Light
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
On The Horizon
There is a spot on the horizon.
Sometimes it is faint and sometimes it is vivid and clear but always it is present.
It calls to me and I walk towards it, crawl towards it, sprint towards it, but still it is on the horizon and no closer to my grasp.
I look to this spot when I am unsure of what road to take, what choice to make, and for my daily inspiration. Then I move forward continuing my relentless journey.
At times I find myself eager to reach this destination and I run blindly forward only to look up exhausted and realize I am no closer. Yet now I have missed out on the glory of the path I've passed.
There is a spot on the horizon.
It is my destination, my euphoria, my nirvana. Now I realize it is my death.
It calls to me and I walk towards it, crawl towards it, but no longer sprint towards it. For I understand now that while it guides me, motivates me, and comforts me, I am in no rush to reach my destination.
I will not risk missing the glory of the path just passed.
I will not risk missing the momentary joy of a stolen kiss that lingers on my lips after my lover has turned to go, the warmth of my skin after the sun has passed behind a cloud or the instant peace that fills the air after a child stops crying.
My life may not be as perfect in the details as I hope it to be but the spot is still on the horizon and I am blessed with another day in which to live the life I dream of and to walk the path I pave with each of my own foot steps.
~ Each day we are given a new beginning and each day we have the opportunity to live a new life in the way we wish. The spot is always on the horizon and everyday, every moment, is a gift. Live today in the way you really want to live and be the person today you have always wanted to be. ~
Blessed be. Love and light
Sometimes it is faint and sometimes it is vivid and clear but always it is present.
It calls to me and I walk towards it, crawl towards it, sprint towards it, but still it is on the horizon and no closer to my grasp.
I look to this spot when I am unsure of what road to take, what choice to make, and for my daily inspiration. Then I move forward continuing my relentless journey.
At times I find myself eager to reach this destination and I run blindly forward only to look up exhausted and realize I am no closer. Yet now I have missed out on the glory of the path I've passed.
There is a spot on the horizon.
It is my destination, my euphoria, my nirvana. Now I realize it is my death.
It calls to me and I walk towards it, crawl towards it, but no longer sprint towards it. For I understand now that while it guides me, motivates me, and comforts me, I am in no rush to reach my destination.
I will not risk missing the glory of the path just passed.
I will not risk missing the momentary joy of a stolen kiss that lingers on my lips after my lover has turned to go, the warmth of my skin after the sun has passed behind a cloud or the instant peace that fills the air after a child stops crying.
My life may not be as perfect in the details as I hope it to be but the spot is still on the horizon and I am blessed with another day in which to live the life I dream of and to walk the path I pave with each of my own foot steps.
~ Each day we are given a new beginning and each day we have the opportunity to live a new life in the way we wish. The spot is always on the horizon and everyday, every moment, is a gift. Live today in the way you really want to live and be the person today you have always wanted to be. ~
Blessed be. Love and light
Monday, March 26, 2007
Facing our Fears Part 2
Just wanted to provide an update on my last post.
I rode in my first horse show yesterday and walked away with far more than just a prize or a ribbon, although I did walk away with a prize and 3 ribbons and one of them was a first which was cool.
But Getting back to what I really gained ... I'm not a competitive person. If I think about how I may do in comparison to others then it all goes to hell. If I think about doing the best I can do then I start to second guess, stress out, and again it all goes to hell. But if I stay at peace and trust in myself and just have a good time and allow my abilities to be what they are without judgment then I far exceed my expectations and I really enjoy the moment.
When it was my turn to ride the jump courses I just mounted my horse and enjoyed sharing a moment with her. I felt no stress or pressure just an over whelming gratitude for the moment and a thrill for what she and I were going to get to do. We had a blast together! I grinned and she kicked up her heals between jumps and both of us were living and loving that moment in time. I think we got a couple of pics and if so I will post at a later date so stay tuned.
Love and light,
I rode in my first horse show yesterday and walked away with far more than just a prize or a ribbon, although I did walk away with a prize and 3 ribbons and one of them was a first which was cool.
But Getting back to what I really gained ... I'm not a competitive person. If I think about how I may do in comparison to others then it all goes to hell. If I think about doing the best I can do then I start to second guess, stress out, and again it all goes to hell. But if I stay at peace and trust in myself and just have a good time and allow my abilities to be what they are without judgment then I far exceed my expectations and I really enjoy the moment.
When it was my turn to ride the jump courses I just mounted my horse and enjoyed sharing a moment with her. I felt no stress or pressure just an over whelming gratitude for the moment and a thrill for what she and I were going to get to do. We had a blast together! I grinned and she kicked up her heals between jumps and both of us were living and loving that moment in time. I think we got a couple of pics and if so I will post at a later date so stay tuned.
Love and light,
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Facing Fears and our Darker Emotions
I'm sure all of you are getting a little sick of hearing about my Saturday riding lessons but I must just say that today I got to jump a 2 foot course, meaning multiple jumps in a certain combination with jumps 2 feet high. Now 2 feet is nothing but keeping the correct form over the jumps is what is important and although I certainly have things to work on, my instructor says I have a natural jumping form. This is great news as it means I will get to move on to higher jumps in the future :-)
Jumping today also allowed me to see the youth in my wonderful mare Countess, as she kicked up her heals in delight after the first couple of jumps and you could tell she was having a great time. It was such a blast!!!
The more important tidbit for today is that I am also invited to compete in a minor show tomorrow. It will include 2 flat classes and 1 jumping class. The whole show is just for fun and to introduce us novices to competition.
But let me tell you that when I was invited it might as well of been Spruce Meadows because my blood pressure rose and the butterflies started.
It has taken some convincing from both my husband and father (Thanks to both!) to get into the competitive spirit and join in tomorrow but now that I have agreed to take part I am like a kid on redbull. I can barely contain my excitement!
Facing ones fears is never easy. For me it takes a push from my loved ones, a kick from my higher self and a good dose of blind faith but somehow I never regret facing a fear.
Facing any darker part of our selves can be a challenge. Tomorrow at the show it will be my fear of failure. Yesterday I had to face my envious and jealous side. No matter what dark crevice of your soul you are uncovering embrace it, be tender to it and shine a very bright and honest light on it. As it is only a part of your good soul and in that case how dark can it really be?
I believe that to shy away from the darker aspects of our self and pretend they don't exist is to give them power they don't deserve. Take out the dark emotions, give them a good spit and polish, shine love and light into then and allow them to simply crumble and blow away in the wind. Dark energy never serves us but if we deny it we give it a place to live rather then sending it back to the universe to become light again.
On a personal note: I will confess here from my blogging pulpit that yesterday I faced a very large dark emotion. After a loving and friendly call from my ex-partner, who's life seems filled with love and blessings, I felt jaded and hurt that the universe hadn't sent him horrible and hurtful times. I felt karma had taken the day off and decided to reward rather than punish him for the crappy way he had treated me during our relationship BUT the truth is everyone deserves happiness. My ex-partner is a good person who has faced his darker sides and who allowed me to learn very valuable lessons. The time we shared together had far more good than bad and despite hurting me he mainly loved me. I was far from an innocent by stander in our relationship as I chose to be there and participate and for that I must take full responsibility.
JK - If you happen to read this, thank you for your call. I learnt a wonderful lesson from it in allowing my self to be human and to embrace my dark corners. I am so happy that you are happy and that you have chosen to keep in touch. Blessed be to you and yours!
Love and light to you all,
Jumping today also allowed me to see the youth in my wonderful mare Countess, as she kicked up her heals in delight after the first couple of jumps and you could tell she was having a great time. It was such a blast!!!
The more important tidbit for today is that I am also invited to compete in a minor show tomorrow. It will include 2 flat classes and 1 jumping class. The whole show is just for fun and to introduce us novices to competition.
But let me tell you that when I was invited it might as well of been Spruce Meadows because my blood pressure rose and the butterflies started.
It has taken some convincing from both my husband and father (Thanks to both!) to get into the competitive spirit and join in tomorrow but now that I have agreed to take part I am like a kid on redbull. I can barely contain my excitement!
Facing ones fears is never easy. For me it takes a push from my loved ones, a kick from my higher self and a good dose of blind faith but somehow I never regret facing a fear.
Facing any darker part of our selves can be a challenge. Tomorrow at the show it will be my fear of failure. Yesterday I had to face my envious and jealous side. No matter what dark crevice of your soul you are uncovering embrace it, be tender to it and shine a very bright and honest light on it. As it is only a part of your good soul and in that case how dark can it really be?
I believe that to shy away from the darker aspects of our self and pretend they don't exist is to give them power they don't deserve. Take out the dark emotions, give them a good spit and polish, shine love and light into then and allow them to simply crumble and blow away in the wind. Dark energy never serves us but if we deny it we give it a place to live rather then sending it back to the universe to become light again.
On a personal note: I will confess here from my blogging pulpit that yesterday I faced a very large dark emotion. After a loving and friendly call from my ex-partner, who's life seems filled with love and blessings, I felt jaded and hurt that the universe hadn't sent him horrible and hurtful times. I felt karma had taken the day off and decided to reward rather than punish him for the crappy way he had treated me during our relationship BUT the truth is everyone deserves happiness. My ex-partner is a good person who has faced his darker sides and who allowed me to learn very valuable lessons. The time we shared together had far more good than bad and despite hurting me he mainly loved me. I was far from an innocent by stander in our relationship as I chose to be there and participate and for that I must take full responsibility.
JK - If you happen to read this, thank you for your call. I learnt a wonderful lesson from it in allowing my self to be human and to embrace my dark corners. I am so happy that you are happy and that you have chosen to keep in touch. Blessed be to you and yours!
Love and light to you all,
Friday, March 23, 2007
The Foundation
Many years ago my Father, my Brother and I started talking about a business my Dad was trying to create. It was the taking of an old rundown chateau in France and creating a Spiritual Healing Center. My dad, John Maylam, continues with this dream. Doing all he can to bring together the required talents and funds to make his dream a reality now a decade later.
During the original conversations between the 3 of us we started talking about ethical business. How it seems that in many companies only the almighty dollar is important and the exploitation of the employees, environment, and even the owners of the company themselves were all fare game. We decided then to try and formulate a statement that we could do business by.
With a pen in my hand the words started flowing like a gift from the heavens and in moments it was finished.
With almost no revision we had a statement called The Foundation.
I would like to share this original statement here with you now:
“The Foundation” is a group of individuals and businesses that will all work from a solid foundation of truth. We hope to bring people together who believe in making a profitable living without sacrificing people’s individual growth, the environment, personal beliefs, equality, or the essence that is us all - love - both universal and personal which in reality are one.
The possibilities are endless. Imagine networking with a group of people and companies that you know do not sacrifice the greater good for personal gain. All of a sudden the balance that so many of us find only at the end of the day in our homes would encompass our entire lives. To understand this vision just close your eyes and imagine a world in balance, that vision is what a solid foundation can provide.
So here I am more than 10 years later and still believing that this is the only way to conduct yourself in business. I am happy to say that many more people are also bringing their businesses into balance and conducting themselves in a way that doesn't hurt others for their personal gain.
That being said, many companies, both large and small, do still sacrifice others and it has to stop!
We have a limited time on this earth and no matter your beliefs you simply can't deny that it is our responsibility while here, to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. This means not only choosing our employers carefully but choosing who we purchase our goods from with the same consideration.
My husband and I along with another business partner are planning our first company and it goes without saying that we will be living and working with this philosophy in mind.
I believe you can be successful, that you can have abundance and that you can sleep with a clear conscience.
I wish all of you the best and pray to the Goddess that I connect with to guide you to a balance in your work and personal life.
Blessed be. Love and light
During the original conversations between the 3 of us we started talking about ethical business. How it seems that in many companies only the almighty dollar is important and the exploitation of the employees, environment, and even the owners of the company themselves were all fare game. We decided then to try and formulate a statement that we could do business by.
With a pen in my hand the words started flowing like a gift from the heavens and in moments it was finished.
With almost no revision we had a statement called The Foundation.
I would like to share this original statement here with you now:
“The Foundation” is a group of individuals and businesses that will all work from a solid foundation of truth. We hope to bring people together who believe in making a profitable living without sacrificing people’s individual growth, the environment, personal beliefs, equality, or the essence that is us all - love - both universal and personal which in reality are one.
The possibilities are endless. Imagine networking with a group of people and companies that you know do not sacrifice the greater good for personal gain. All of a sudden the balance that so many of us find only at the end of the day in our homes would encompass our entire lives. To understand this vision just close your eyes and imagine a world in balance, that vision is what a solid foundation can provide.
So here I am more than 10 years later and still believing that this is the only way to conduct yourself in business. I am happy to say that many more people are also bringing their businesses into balance and conducting themselves in a way that doesn't hurt others for their personal gain.
That being said, many companies, both large and small, do still sacrifice others and it has to stop!
We have a limited time on this earth and no matter your beliefs you simply can't deny that it is our responsibility while here, to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. This means not only choosing our employers carefully but choosing who we purchase our goods from with the same consideration.
My husband and I along with another business partner are planning our first company and it goes without saying that we will be living and working with this philosophy in mind.
I believe you can be successful, that you can have abundance and that you can sleep with a clear conscience.
I wish all of you the best and pray to the Goddess that I connect with to guide you to a balance in your work and personal life.
Blessed be. Love and light
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Crying the greys
It is yet another grey day on Vancouver Island. I can't remember the last time I saw the sun and it is sending me into a complete funk.
The Vancouver city lights make you forget that it is always grey and the sexy low hung cloud against the mountains in Mission, make the grey days happy as all you want to do is curl up naked on a sheep skin rug in front of the fire.
But here in Victoria it is just grey.
The sky is grey, the water is grey and today I am grey!
I miss the Alberta sun that fans out across the sky making the Calgarian cold winter days bright and fresh. How blue the sky is and how much air there seems to be around you as the sky is just so big and you are just so small.
On the up side the pink and white blossoms are lining neighborhood streets and 2 large trees in my front garden are covered with stunning baseball sized blooms. The grass in our canine landscaped back yard is a vivid liquid green and the daffodils, pansies, and hyacinths are all making their Spring time appearance.
These plant life delights indicate that sunshine could appear at any time and let me say that for me it can't come a moment too soon.
Much more of this and I may have to do something outrageous just to stop from crying the greys.
What would this crazy act be? Stay tuned to the weather channel and the local news and perhaps you may find out!
Blessed be. Love and Light (please let there be light).
Anneliese
The Vancouver city lights make you forget that it is always grey and the sexy low hung cloud against the mountains in Mission, make the grey days happy as all you want to do is curl up naked on a sheep skin rug in front of the fire.
But here in Victoria it is just grey.
The sky is grey, the water is grey and today I am grey!
I miss the Alberta sun that fans out across the sky making the Calgarian cold winter days bright and fresh. How blue the sky is and how much air there seems to be around you as the sky is just so big and you are just so small.
On the up side the pink and white blossoms are lining neighborhood streets and 2 large trees in my front garden are covered with stunning baseball sized blooms. The grass in our canine landscaped back yard is a vivid liquid green and the daffodils, pansies, and hyacinths are all making their Spring time appearance.
These plant life delights indicate that sunshine could appear at any time and let me say that for me it can't come a moment too soon.
Much more of this and I may have to do something outrageous just to stop from crying the greys.
What would this crazy act be? Stay tuned to the weather channel and the local news and perhaps you may find out!
Blessed be. Love and Light (please let there be light).
Anneliese
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Enough
Next door to our house is a retirement home and in the time I've lived here I have met a few of the old people living there.
I see them walk by to the coffee shop down the road, A few of them trick or treated at our house last Hallows Eve and since we have been landscaping the front garden many have stopped to chat. I don't know any of there names but I know them by the smiles they give, the advice on cedar trees, or the image of a 80+ year old woman in a pumpkin suit that shall forever be ingrained in my mind.
The person who intrigues me most though is the grey haired lady who sits at the bus stop just to the right of my house. The first time I saw her was the day a large big dog chased our puppy Sage right out of the dog park one block from our house. Sage ran for home and nothing I screamed in my frantic voice could stop him.
I ran as fast as I could from the other end of the park where we were standing when the black dog started to chase him. I didn't stop until I was able to bury my hands in Sages soft puppy fur.
Sages journey took him out of the park, across the road and to the bus stop where he forgot the scary black dog in exchange for a pat from the old lady sitting on the bench. I stammered an apology to the lady as I took hold of Sage and then quickly retreated to the safety of our front room and vowed to never let my dog off leash again.
Since that day I have seen the same lady at the bus stop each and every day. She never gets on a bus and although I have seen her speaking to the odd person I don't think it is ever more than a casual exchange. I became quite interested in her daily or sometimes twice daily trip to the bus stop and I will admit that I now watch to see if she is there.
I walk past with the dogs if I have seen she is siting there and although I never speak to her I always smile and breath in the smell of a cigarette which is curious because I hate the smell of smoke normally and I have never actually seen her smoke but the smell is always there with her and some how it brings me comfort.
I have no family here except for my husband and so I have often fantasized about adopting some lovely elderly person to become a surrogate grandmother to the child I hope to have one day. So it should come of no surprise that the thought of chatting to the old lady at the bus stop has crossed my mind but somehow I can't help but think it would ruin the perfect give~&~ take we currently have.
I watch for her and give her a smile.
She nods and allows me to smell her phantom cigarette.
Somehow it is enough for us both...
Blessed be!
I see them walk by to the coffee shop down the road, A few of them trick or treated at our house last Hallows Eve and since we have been landscaping the front garden many have stopped to chat. I don't know any of there names but I know them by the smiles they give, the advice on cedar trees, or the image of a 80+ year old woman in a pumpkin suit that shall forever be ingrained in my mind.
The person who intrigues me most though is the grey haired lady who sits at the bus stop just to the right of my house. The first time I saw her was the day a large big dog chased our puppy Sage right out of the dog park one block from our house. Sage ran for home and nothing I screamed in my frantic voice could stop him.
I ran as fast as I could from the other end of the park where we were standing when the black dog started to chase him. I didn't stop until I was able to bury my hands in Sages soft puppy fur.
Sages journey took him out of the park, across the road and to the bus stop where he forgot the scary black dog in exchange for a pat from the old lady sitting on the bench. I stammered an apology to the lady as I took hold of Sage and then quickly retreated to the safety of our front room and vowed to never let my dog off leash again.
Since that day I have seen the same lady at the bus stop each and every day. She never gets on a bus and although I have seen her speaking to the odd person I don't think it is ever more than a casual exchange. I became quite interested in her daily or sometimes twice daily trip to the bus stop and I will admit that I now watch to see if she is there.
I walk past with the dogs if I have seen she is siting there and although I never speak to her I always smile and breath in the smell of a cigarette which is curious because I hate the smell of smoke normally and I have never actually seen her smoke but the smell is always there with her and some how it brings me comfort.
I have no family here except for my husband and so I have often fantasized about adopting some lovely elderly person to become a surrogate grandmother to the child I hope to have one day. So it should come of no surprise that the thought of chatting to the old lady at the bus stop has crossed my mind but somehow I can't help but think it would ruin the perfect give~&~ take we currently have.
I watch for her and give her a smile.
She nods and allows me to smell her phantom cigarette.
Somehow it is enough for us both...
Blessed be!
The Much-To-Do About Boobs
This ones for the girls....
Have you sat down recently and thought about boobs? Yours or someone Else's?
I find myself this morning wondering how breasts became such a hot topic and how one body part can be related to so many emotions, thoughts, experiences and controversy.
In what seemed like an overnight transformation I went from a flat chested 11 year old girl to a 36C curvaceous 12 going on 20 year old. All of a sudden my mother was having to try and hide me from the leering gazes of 35 year old men. This overnight change in my body didn't just mean that clothes fit differently but it meant EVERYTHING was different.
I became a sexual being in the eyes of other people because my body had changed, and let me tell that at 12 I was no where near ready for it.
The tops that on my friends looked cute and innocent looked sleazy on me. My friends mothers weren't sure I was the kind of girl they wanted hanging out with their daughters and they certainly didn't approve of how their older sons and their husbands were all of a sudden offering to babysit.
Having breasts changed my life the moment they arrived and they continue to play an important role in my life. They let me attract certain lovers but deter others, they prevented me carrying on with certain sports, they have both advanced and hindered career moves at certain times, they have formed a part of my personality and I have both relished and rejected them at different times of my life. Breasts are controversial and those are just my own.
The power of the breast is overwhelming.
It is what nurtures our young, lures our lovers, forms our fashion sense and fosters billion dollar industries from creams, bras, surgeries, magazines, film, and countless others businesses.
No one goes unaffected by boobs.
So why do I bring all of this up? I suppose it is to ask you to be sensitive and to give this over worked body part a bit of a break.
Their is a reason that breast cancer is rampant in our nation and it is more than just the physical nature of our world. It is also the emotional pressure that our commercial driven North American lives force on to this unsuspecting fragile collection of tissue.
As women we criticise our breasts for being too small, to big, too low, too pointy, too, too, too and I think we just need to give them a rest.
Stop judging yours and everyone Else's.
Stop allowing society to tell you something is wrong with them.
Stop forcing them into padded wire contraptions that force them into unnatural shapes.
Let them breath for Goddesses sake!!!!
1 in 27 women will die of breast cancer. This is staggering!!!!!
I say embrace your tits. Their size, shape, and stage in maturity.
Love them for what they are and take great care of your mounds.
Don't forget to check them to ensure good health and perhaps let them see the sun first hand.
www.bcsc.ca
Blessed be, Love and Light
Have you sat down recently and thought about boobs? Yours or someone Else's?
I find myself this morning wondering how breasts became such a hot topic and how one body part can be related to so many emotions, thoughts, experiences and controversy.
In what seemed like an overnight transformation I went from a flat chested 11 year old girl to a 36C curvaceous 12 going on 20 year old. All of a sudden my mother was having to try and hide me from the leering gazes of 35 year old men. This overnight change in my body didn't just mean that clothes fit differently but it meant EVERYTHING was different.
I became a sexual being in the eyes of other people because my body had changed, and let me tell that at 12 I was no where near ready for it.
The tops that on my friends looked cute and innocent looked sleazy on me. My friends mothers weren't sure I was the kind of girl they wanted hanging out with their daughters and they certainly didn't approve of how their older sons and their husbands were all of a sudden offering to babysit.
Having breasts changed my life the moment they arrived and they continue to play an important role in my life. They let me attract certain lovers but deter others, they prevented me carrying on with certain sports, they have both advanced and hindered career moves at certain times, they have formed a part of my personality and I have both relished and rejected them at different times of my life. Breasts are controversial and those are just my own.
The power of the breast is overwhelming.
It is what nurtures our young, lures our lovers, forms our fashion sense and fosters billion dollar industries from creams, bras, surgeries, magazines, film, and countless others businesses.
No one goes unaffected by boobs.
So why do I bring all of this up? I suppose it is to ask you to be sensitive and to give this over worked body part a bit of a break.
Their is a reason that breast cancer is rampant in our nation and it is more than just the physical nature of our world. It is also the emotional pressure that our commercial driven North American lives force on to this unsuspecting fragile collection of tissue.
As women we criticise our breasts for being too small, to big, too low, too pointy, too, too, too and I think we just need to give them a rest.
Stop judging yours and everyone Else's.
Stop allowing society to tell you something is wrong with them.
Stop forcing them into padded wire contraptions that force them into unnatural shapes.
Let them breath for Goddesses sake!!!!
1 in 27 women will die of breast cancer. This is staggering!!!!!
I say embrace your tits. Their size, shape, and stage in maturity.
Love them for what they are and take great care of your mounds.
Don't forget to check them to ensure good health and perhaps let them see the sun first hand.
www.bcsc.ca
Blessed be, Love and Light
Sunday, March 18, 2007
A Complex Answer to a Simple Question
This morning I was asked a simple question.
"Do you ever loose yourself in a character of a book your are reading? Really loose yourself where you start thinking like they do?"
" Oh yes" I replied. I spoke then of a few favorite characters from the books that I love but the question has lingered with me well past the original conversation.
I think I loose myself in characters all the time. In books, in movies, in songs and even in friendships. But more often I find my self in my interactions with these characters. We have a choice in how we learn our life lessons and although I spent my younger years learning some difficult lessons through traumatic events such as death of friends and family, date rape, leaving school, leaving relationships, and so on... I have discovered in my slightly older and wiser years that I can learn valuable life lessons through listening to the stories of others and allowing myself to become a character in a story for just a moment and then relate it back to my own life. I no longer need to experience first hand a difficult path to gain the wisdom from it.
I feel very grateful that I can open my heart, mind and soul to another persons experience and gain insight from it.
It makes me wonder if that isn't the Spirits goal. To live on earth learning a handful of lessons that we can take back and share with the greater conscience at our time of passing.
How wonderful it would be to live on earth as we do in the Spirit realm sharing our insights and feelings without having to experience the drama first hand.
It takes an incredible amount of empathy to transport yourself into a character that is far removed for your notion of who you are and very little to relate to a figure you admire or respect yet I have grown more allowing myself to bathe in a character I feel disdain for, as it those who are different that can be our greatest teachers.
As I said, a complex answer to a simple question but one worth continuing to think about.
I hope you each enjoy your next book or movie. Try allowing yourself the joy of loosing and finding a part of yourself in an others character. Just remember to tie on a safety rope before diving in so our mental institutions don't become overloaded! :-)
Blessed be. Love and Light,
"Do you ever loose yourself in a character of a book your are reading? Really loose yourself where you start thinking like they do?"
" Oh yes" I replied. I spoke then of a few favorite characters from the books that I love but the question has lingered with me well past the original conversation.
I think I loose myself in characters all the time. In books, in movies, in songs and even in friendships. But more often I find my self in my interactions with these characters. We have a choice in how we learn our life lessons and although I spent my younger years learning some difficult lessons through traumatic events such as death of friends and family, date rape, leaving school, leaving relationships, and so on... I have discovered in my slightly older and wiser years that I can learn valuable life lessons through listening to the stories of others and allowing myself to become a character in a story for just a moment and then relate it back to my own life. I no longer need to experience first hand a difficult path to gain the wisdom from it.
I feel very grateful that I can open my heart, mind and soul to another persons experience and gain insight from it.
It makes me wonder if that isn't the Spirits goal. To live on earth learning a handful of lessons that we can take back and share with the greater conscience at our time of passing.
How wonderful it would be to live on earth as we do in the Spirit realm sharing our insights and feelings without having to experience the drama first hand.
It takes an incredible amount of empathy to transport yourself into a character that is far removed for your notion of who you are and very little to relate to a figure you admire or respect yet I have grown more allowing myself to bathe in a character I feel disdain for, as it those who are different that can be our greatest teachers.
As I said, a complex answer to a simple question but one worth continuing to think about.
I hope you each enjoy your next book or movie. Try allowing yourself the joy of loosing and finding a part of yourself in an others character. Just remember to tie on a safety rope before diving in so our mental institutions don't become overloaded! :-)
Blessed be. Love and Light,
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