Welcome Home Serenity

Just a quick post to introduce our latest addition!
Avalanche, aka Serenity, is a 10 year old mare who loves to be pampered and made a fuss of. She also loves to get into the ring and take on some jumps or hit the trail with "her human".
We are very pleased that she is coming to Enchanted Acres to be a part of our family and can't wait to see her when she arrives here from Nova Scotia this weekend.

Happy trails!

Making a Baby

If any one asked me a couple of years ago if I knew how to make a baby I would of laughed, maybe blushed, and certainly of made a smart-ass comment yet here I now am after dealing with fertility issues realizing that I had NO idea just how much it takes to get pregnant.
Our parents drilled into our heads the fact that it only takes one time to become pregnant yet the chances are only 25% and that is if everything is working fine and your timing is spot on.

Now that my husband and I have had to go to doctors and have tests it has forced us into not only being very aware of what the limitations of the human body are but we have also had to learn what each of our emotional limitations are. After reading tons of information and hearing peoples horror stories about years on medications, invasive surgeries, failed IVF attempts, emotional and financial bankruptcy, I am relieved that we have been able to keep things simple so far. For us our marriage comes first and adding children to our family in any way possible (pregnancy, adoption) comes second yet we seem to be a rarity!

Seeing the hardships and the emotional turmoil of others that are in our fertility challenged situation makes me want to ask the question... "Just how far will you go?"

For us the answer has yet to be defined in words but I do know that neither of us would allow our marriage to suffer, our finances to be crippled or our emotional bank account emptied. Does this mean we are less dedicated to starting a family? or simply sane?

The last thing Eric and I would want to do is bring a child into this already crazy world and willingly subject them to problems we created in the journey of bringing that child into our life. To do so seems like a complete oxymoron. If our marriage and life is not stable then what kind of parents could we possibly be and what right do we have to create this child in the first place?

There have been days when the tears have flowed and disappointment at another month passing with no positive results has seemed like a devastating experience but for us our faith in both our dream of a family and the strength of one another has kept us positive and strong.

I have no doubt that a child will become a part of our family in one way or another but I also have no doubt that if we had to live a life without a child we could do so and still thrive in our life together.

Blessed be to any and all of you who may be in, or were in this situation. My heart goes out to you and you are always in our prayers.

Love and Light,

7 months

Seven months have passed by since I last wrote here and yet I return wondering what will spill from my mind on to this electronic page. So much has happened on a personal level during my absence. Eric started a company providing consulting and programming work and is now working on a full time contract for a company in the states, we have lived in New Brunswick for an entire year, and we have grown as a couple in ways I never thought possible.

I think it is this growth and the challenges I am seeing in other people relationships that is most on my mind this evening so perhaps that is where I will linger and talk to you.
In marrying Eric I can honestly say that I have reached levels of intimacy that I never thought possible for me. I have always loved quickly and freely at a superficial level, meaning that I can be open about certain feelings and experiences and thoughts with many people in my life, yet I had created a finely constructed shell deep within that harboured a part of my heart and soul that I hadn't allowed myself to acknowledge not-alone allow someone else access to for my entire adult life. It is a place where I allow tears to flow freely, where irrational pain and staggering dreams live and it is a place where I am truly vulnerable. Now this is not Hallmark, and I am no Danielle Steel so I am not going to say that Eric has shattered the shell I keep with in or that now that I am married all of those deep, intense feelings and memories are simply brought into the light but I will say that I am more honest with him about my achievements and failings than I have ever been before. With my husband I am myself and even when it is not pretty, and my shadow side rears it head I know that I am safe to show him my feelings and I will be loved not despite of my darker side but because of the balance of shadow and light that makes me a whole.

It is with great sadness that I have had a front row seat to the challenges my friend and her partner are suffering. It is the possible end of a love and it is sad and equally heart breaking for both the people in the union. Dreams that only months ago seemed within grasp are fading from memory and their remains seem as likely as gold at the end of a rainbow. Disappointments rain over them and they see each others failings without the filter that love provides. To loose love, to watch a romance, a passion, and a partnership die is terrifying for those involved but it is important to remember that you once loved this person completely and your past relationship deserves to be honoured, as does your partner, because love may fade and change and partners may leave our lives but the memories we made with them and the lessons they have taught us are more valuable than that rainbow gold and just as sacred now as love fades as they were when love flowed freely between you both.
Let go of the disappointment of what may have been and focus on the tangible experiences you gained during your time together.

Love relationships take a great deal of patience, work and honest communication but it is achievable: even if , at times,it is fleeting.

May each and everyone of you have the joy of love in your life.

Blessed be, love and light
A.