7 months

Seven months have passed by since I last wrote here and yet I return wondering what will spill from my mind on to this electronic page. So much has happened on a personal level during my absence. Eric started a company providing consulting and programming work and is now working on a full time contract for a company in the states, we have lived in New Brunswick for an entire year, and we have grown as a couple in ways I never thought possible.

I think it is this growth and the challenges I am seeing in other people relationships that is most on my mind this evening so perhaps that is where I will linger and talk to you.
In marrying Eric I can honestly say that I have reached levels of intimacy that I never thought possible for me. I have always loved quickly and freely at a superficial level, meaning that I can be open about certain feelings and experiences and thoughts with many people in my life, yet I had created a finely constructed shell deep within that harboured a part of my heart and soul that I hadn't allowed myself to acknowledge not-alone allow someone else access to for my entire adult life. It is a place where I allow tears to flow freely, where irrational pain and staggering dreams live and it is a place where I am truly vulnerable. Now this is not Hallmark, and I am no Danielle Steel so I am not going to say that Eric has shattered the shell I keep with in or that now that I am married all of those deep, intense feelings and memories are simply brought into the light but I will say that I am more honest with him about my achievements and failings than I have ever been before. With my husband I am myself and even when it is not pretty, and my shadow side rears it head I know that I am safe to show him my feelings and I will be loved not despite of my darker side but because of the balance of shadow and light that makes me a whole.

It is with great sadness that I have had a front row seat to the challenges my friend and her partner are suffering. It is the possible end of a love and it is sad and equally heart breaking for both the people in the union. Dreams that only months ago seemed within grasp are fading from memory and their remains seem as likely as gold at the end of a rainbow. Disappointments rain over them and they see each others failings without the filter that love provides. To loose love, to watch a romance, a passion, and a partnership die is terrifying for those involved but it is important to remember that you once loved this person completely and your past relationship deserves to be honoured, as does your partner, because love may fade and change and partners may leave our lives but the memories we made with them and the lessons they have taught us are more valuable than that rainbow gold and just as sacred now as love fades as they were when love flowed freely between you both.
Let go of the disappointment of what may have been and focus on the tangible experiences you gained during your time together.

Love relationships take a great deal of patience, work and honest communication but it is achievable: even if , at times,it is fleeting.

May each and everyone of you have the joy of love in your life.

Blessed be, love and light
A.