Saturday, March 24, 2007

Facing Fears and our Darker Emotions

I'm sure all of you are getting a little sick of hearing about my Saturday riding lessons but I must just say that today I got to jump a 2 foot course, meaning multiple jumps in a certain combination with jumps 2 feet high. Now 2 feet is nothing but keeping the correct form over the jumps is what is important and although I certainly have things to work on, my instructor says I have a natural jumping form. This is great news as it means I will get to move on to higher jumps in the future :-)

Jumping today also allowed me to see the youth in my wonderful mare Countess, as she kicked up her heals in delight after the first couple of jumps and you could tell she was having a great time. It was such a blast!!!

The more important tidbit for today is that I am also invited to compete in a minor show tomorrow. It will include 2 flat classes and 1 jumping class. The whole show is just for fun and to introduce us novices to competition.
But let me tell you that when I was invited it might as well of been Spruce Meadows because my blood pressure rose and the butterflies started.

It has taken some convincing from both my husband and father (Thanks to both!) to get into the competitive spirit and join in tomorrow but now that I have agreed to take part I am like a kid on redbull. I can barely contain my excitement!

Facing ones fears is never easy. For me it takes a push from my loved ones, a kick from my higher self and a good dose of blind faith but somehow I never regret facing a fear.

Facing any darker part of our selves can be a challenge. Tomorrow at the show it will be my fear of failure. Yesterday I had to face my envious and jealous side. No matter what dark crevice of your soul you are uncovering embrace it, be tender to it and shine a very bright and honest light on it. As it is only a part of your good soul and in that case how dark can it really be?

I believe that to shy away from the darker aspects of our self and pretend they don't exist is to give them power they don't deserve. Take out the dark emotions, give them a good spit and polish, shine love and light into then and allow them to simply crumble and blow away in the wind. Dark energy never serves us but if we deny it we give it a place to live rather then sending it back to the universe to become light again.

On a personal note: I will confess here from my blogging pulpit that yesterday I faced a very large dark emotion. After a loving and friendly call from my ex-partner, who's life seems filled with love and blessings, I felt jaded and hurt that the universe hadn't sent him horrible and hurtful times. I felt karma had taken the day off and decided to reward rather than punish him for the crappy way he had treated me during our relationship BUT the truth is everyone deserves happiness. My ex-partner is a good person who has faced his darker sides and who allowed me to learn very valuable lessons. The time we shared together had far more good than bad and despite hurting me he mainly loved me. I was far from an innocent by stander in our relationship as I chose to be there and participate and for that I must take full responsibility.

JK - If you happen to read this, thank you for your call. I learnt a wonderful lesson from it in allowing my self to be human and to embrace my dark corners. I am so happy that you are happy and that you have chosen to keep in touch. Blessed be to you and yours!

Love and light to you all,

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